AN UPDATE OF EPIC PROPORTIONS or AT LEAST ONE MAN'S VIEW ON LIFE

It actually starts here...

http://www.confessionsofacerealeater.blog-city.com/read/864293.htm

well when it comes to the fear of snakes...still got em...the fear of heights...well right now I work as a "driver" in the warehouse, which mainly means I have to get product for other employees...and that means going about 19 or so feet off the ground standing on a pallet and realizing that the fall from this height would not only hurt, but the bouncing off the racking would probably do alot of damage...but it's getting less terrifying everyday. One day I hope to just be nervous of heights, instead of freaking scared shiznitless of them. Guns...well they still weird me out, but as soon as it's nice, I am gonna go on a range.

Now on to other things...

I lost my best buddy in the world. I've not kept many things in my world. I sell DVD's and CD's even though I love both. I sold 95 percent of my comics, and I still love reading the ones I still have. I've sold books but once they were gone, I didn't think about them at all. The only true constant in my life for the past 11 years was a little ball of fur named Rocky. He was a chinchilla. Now he's gone. I miss him terribly. I never thought there would come a time when I wouldn't have him in my life. I know there were times I didn't do enough for him, but he was always there. During the happy times, and during the low times. He was my best little buddy, and it really pisses me off that he left me. I know, I know "it's just a stupid chin" but he was a constant. Now my constant is gone. I hate knowing that I wasn't there. I hate knowing that he passed away alone. I hate knowing that. I truly do. I hate the fact that I keep being to late to be there. I hate the fact that I know I will lose more people and pets in my life and I can't do a damn thing about it. I hate being mortal and having mortal thoughts and not being able to change any of that. But mostly I just miss him. Alot.

You know I was gonna write more, but for today the confessional is done...

I remain a man a lot more empty than I was before named

Jose

WELL WELL WELL, LOOK WHAT THE CAT COUGHED UP

What up "G-folk"? I'm here again in a somewhat timely fashion. I have a few questions to answer before I get to the the reason for this season. First I work in a warehouse, not a factory, oh sweet aunt jemimah I could never do "factory" setting again. Yes, for some reason I do like NASCAR. I actually sit down and watch all 4 hours plus of these really fast cars turning left. It was kind of a shock to me too, and of course the minute I get a driver I wanna cheer for he decides that this is his last year of fulltime racing. Man I really have to work on my timing. No, fishing is still not on the top of my fun list. If you ask WG or her family, they can attest to my lack of desire for ice fishing. Now last summer I went fishing off the peir at her parents house. This was a choice of mine. I wanted to try it out to see the big appeal. I'll admit I did like the chance to relax on a warm day with a beer, sitting on the pier and doing nothing more than feeding the fish, but what would I do if I actually caught one?? That answer I don't know. As for football, that's a little easier to explain. Still not a great big fan of it, but I really do enjoy going to real life games as opposed to watching it on TV. You see, you really get caught in the excitement and exhileration, when 72,601 people start screaming and cheering. Now that's some cool shit. And no, I will never ever ever go by the name Joe. It's not my name, was never my name and I will never answer to said name.
Now on to other things. This is an explanation of things. It happens sometimes that by doing what I percieve to be the right course of action, sometimes is just the oppisite. I stopped buying comics over a year ago. Which means I haven't said anything to my friends who shop and work there in that same amount of time. I did this for basically one reason. Shame. I didn't want to be a "tool" and I knew with my mind set that's exactly where I was going. I figured that since the "the others" were still shopping there, I didn't want to put them in that awkward position. And I didn't want the guy's to see me at that particular point in my life. I had a demon to accept, a monkey on my back to tame and a lot of thinking and "resetting" to do. I had relied on so many people till this time that I knew there were some things that I needed to deal with alone. Well as time passed and miles passed, I figured that like other things in my existance, that they would simply forget about me. Well I guess I was wrong. It seems to happen more and more lately. But I still remember Feb 13. Wow is it 11 years?? I didn't forget, and thinking now I ws pretty dumb to think that you would have too. Oh yeah that Batman pin is now on my visor and has been since I moved up here. Just thought you'd like to know.

EXCERPTS FROM AN EMAIL, AND MY RESPONSES

You ever get the feelings that sometimes you don't know people as well you think you do. I moved away from Waukesha, partly because of the bad history I have there, partly because I didn't want to be running into people who I simply didn't want to see anymore but mostly I moved away simply because I hadn't been happy there for a long time. Yeah it took my ex dumping me to make me see that we both already knew that it wasn't going to work out. She just said it out loud before I did. But we both knew where it was headed long before that final fight. So time passes, and usually the only things we talk about are money (you see my car is in her name as is the loan, but almost 2 months ago we finally got that semi-straightened out) and that all. I was ok with that. I know that if you go back you can find the posting of said breakup and my somewhat jaded comments about it. I will admit that all of them are honest, but some are a bit more bitter (with everything being kinda fresh at the time) than I wanted them to be. It's been a year. It's been a one whole year since the fated question and answer that brought me here.

So now I know you are all wondering why I am here talking about the past? I got an email from the ex about a cell phone bill and after the cell phone statement she said

"How are things with the vehicle? How bout with your girl, you don't talk about her on your blog anymore."

so I said

both are good, and I didn't know you still read it, kinda figured you didn't care about what was happening in my world

Figuring that would be the end of it. Well as usual I was wrong. It seems to happen a lot. Cus the ex responded with this...

You were a part of my life for 8 years, I can't just walk away from that and not care anymore. I still check out the blog from time to time.
I told John and Other John about it too. I know John has checked it out but I don't know about Other John. I think John was looking for something about him and the "comic life" you left behind to be mentioned.
He askes me how you are doing when I see him and I get my information from your blog so you really gotta update it more.

Me

well this made me rethink a lot of things. Not in the I made a mistake kind of way, but in the we spent 8 years together, good and bad, and I don't know you at all kind of way. So I guess I'll be do a whole lot of updates, simply because i have a lot to talk about now. I was tenative to talk about certain things (my past) because even though I do share a lot of things here, I was very worried about how they would be taken by the people who they were about. I'll be honest, I was ready to kill this blog tonight. I had opened it and wrote my farewell speech. Than I got an email notice and read it. That was the above portion written by the ex...and than I realized one simple thing. I'm not done or dead. I have many many things to talk about, discuss and say. So at this moment I actually have to thank the ex, John and OJ (that's Other John) for making me realize one simple thing. The story is never over, it continues on and on.

OK I HAVE A PLAN

Well hello hi and howdy all you crazzeee kats!!! It's been a bit since I wasted your time with my useless drivel and what can I say but, "well it's that time again." It's a Tuesday eve and I have no plans other than laundry for tomorrow. You see they have this silly thing at work that every 3rd sunday you have to work and when you do you get Wednesday off. Well I was employed on Sunday so I have tomorrow off. And since laundry and dishes are 2 of my most unliked chores I try to put both off as much as possible. Well it seems that 3 weeks is the limit because at that point all my unmentionables are in need of a roll in the wash. So yay me...I get to do that tomorrow. Ironically it's never the washing or drying of the clothes that I hate, it's the folding I hate. When I was still in Waukesha, I was able to hang all my clothes, but now I got to fold and put away my naked skin coverings. I know of all the things I could possibly talk about I'm talking about laundry. Sweet Sister Christian, I really need to find a hobby. Oh as a side note...if any of you faithful readers have the movie Casino on dvd and are willing to part with it, or have a dvd burner and are willing or able to make me a copy please oh please email me at confessionsofacerealeater@yahoo.com, or leave me a line here and we'll talk and make arrangements. Well anyway getting back to the nowhere I began...so I was telling myself it had been a while since I was here, and it's about time I got back on a schedule of sorts. So I have come to the conclusion that I will try to be 3 times a month. I figure if I can't keep that schedule up, it's time to bring this bad boy down. So with that said it's time for me to go and check my email which I have neglected longer than I have neglected my blog. So I'll be back at lest 2 more times before this month is over. And if you're bored drop me a line or two. Until than....have faith in something but most importantly believe in yourself...with that I remain

Jose

WOW, I SHOWED UP ON A GOOGLE SEARCH, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO CELEBRATE THAT TOMORROW

You know just on a lark I decided to see if my blog actually showed up on a Google search, and I'll be damned it did. Than I went back and looked at what else showed up before me...DAMN...I didn't know there was a comic book with the same title. Now I first chose the name of this blog as a spoof on the title of the movie "Confessions of a Serial Killer" and a moment in Sandman, a now finished comic book in the DC comics, Vertigo imprint, where all these people show up at a "Serial Convention". It turns out that they are all serial killers, yet everyone thinks its a cereal convention. I thought this was a very clever play on words, so I decided to go the extra inch and make a play on these two titles. So I came up with Confessions of a Cereal eater. Now this whole time I had no idea that there was a comic book. Had I known I would have spent a few more minutes trying to come up with something a bit more clever. But I didn't. What I hope is that the author, Rob Maisch, will forgive my lack of attention for detail. I guess I'll have to find, buy and read these books and start plugging them for free, because I have yet to recieve any death threats, for accidently stealing his title. So Mr. Maisch from the bottom of my heart please forgive me. I'll be doing what I can to make it up to you.

RABBIT IS GOOD, RABBIT IS WISE, BUT BEING A GUY STILL HINDERS RATIONAL THOUGHT

Oh my god, it's so cool to know I fit into smaller shirts again. I know that sounds vain, but for crying out loud, I write a blog about me, myself and mine, so vanity is obviously not a problem. Wow, I actually miss writing on here. That's a pretty farked up idea. That I need to justify my existance by writing on a blog that no one reads, but it's there just in case. ...well today was a pretty boring day of football watching, grocery shopping and well now wasting time and brain cells in front of the sacred porn down loader. ...oh yeah, dial up is KILLING me...just had to say that. ...so now this day is almost over and between Poison playing on the cd player, the rum free diet drink, the dishes that need washing and my looking forward to the rythmic patterings of a shower head that leads to the self cleaning process, I guess I can't really complain about my day. But I do miss three things that used to happen while I was online: Booze ashtrays and porn on the TV. What can I say, I'm a simple man ...and who ever thought Iron Chef was a good idea for an american audience?? I know I watch some useless drivel, but c'mon. Now don't get me wrong I do like the final presentation and I do like some of the "food designs" but an hour of kung fu theater bad over dubs reminds me old Godzilla movies and makes it a litle hard for me to sit through it without laughing. It's like watching Godzilla vs Mothra all over again. Yes I do watch it, but I do it for merely self abuse than out of enjoyment. ...I have no attention span, while I'm writing this blog, I'm catching up on Something Positive, reading the blogs I've been neglecting and wondering when will I be able to bring up my "porn loader" from home, and no not the DVD player he he he he he he ...why does the word speculum make me giggle?? ...oh yeah, Brides Of Destruction, find it, buy it, love it and OF COURSE I MEAN RIGHT NOW!! ...why is violent and abusive humor so funny?? ...and why is slanderous God humor funny too??

SPORTIN THE FUNK, GIVE ME A BASS BEAT THUMPA THUMPA

Happy New Year my crazy crazy cats. I can't believe it's been so long since I was here last. Well actually I can, and I'm sorry. I don't know how many people are still reading this or just gave up being it's been roughly 6 weeks since I last updated. But it's a new year, so we'll see what happens. My goal is to try to be here at least once a week. Even if it's just to say "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah". Well to let you all know whats going on, in this boring mans life. The job is still going well. The situation with WG is still going great. It's frikken cold up here. Oh daaaaamn I never complain aabout the cold, because it's like the truth. It's unchangeable and complaing about it just makes you look like a fool and really annoys standing in ear shot. But I am just stating a very true fact. especially when on Christmas Eve, we actually hit -28 degrees. Now that's making the boys look for warmth somewhere near my liver, I shit you not. But Christmas was good, New Year was a little dissapointing, because the CUZ couldn't make it, but the master of running self tackling drills, said he'd try to make it up here in a couple of weeks. So most things are going pretty good...but sadly the reality of my personal life taking a postive upswing, is kind of hindered by the very real fact of my parents splitting up. Ok, I know it's mom and step-dad, but even through all the bullshacket we went through, you don't pick your family, you deal with them, than you either love them or hate them. And what can I say I love them verily and truly. But I do find the situation infuriating because it was the CUZ who told me not my parents and I find that positively heart wrenching. So in my silent protest of the way they have handled their last 2-3 years of marriage and how they left me out of the "family loop" by not calling them or talking to them, well except on the holidays. Is it a juvenile and petty act? Absolutley. But it's my perogative. Sometimes no action makes the biggest statement, and sometimes it's like a fart in the wind...it goes unnoticed. So yeah the better things get in my life...the the crapier they get. It's true...it's sad and so frikken true.

OH GOD HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG, WELL THAN

Merciful Minerva, many days have passed since I was here last. Who would have thunk that my happiness would lead me to not be on here as much?? Between the technical problems, along with the realization that I am happier now than I have ever been before would force me to be in my lover's arm when I sleep or even whem I lay down, would make me not want to be online but rather be here as it is...whp would have guessed??? Well as an update this aint much but I'll be back soon...until than....this is life. it's what you get, it's not what you want it's just what you get....

WOW IS THE TIME FLYING BY THAT FAST

Again sore from work. This is starting to become a habit. Will be getting back to that in the near future. But that's not why I'm happy. You want to know something? It's only 8 more months until the 4th of July and we can celebrate freedom by "Blowing shit up while drinking". Oh yeah can you believe it? I know I can't. TV finally belongs to the mindless masses again. There's no election crap on the TV. There's no vote for me jiberish on the radio. I won't be woken in the AM's by some recording telling me to vote. Finally. Peace and quiet. Well I got a few more notes, but I'm getting tired of sitting here so I'll be seeing you all later.

I REALLY SHOULD LEARN TO DO THIS EVERYDAY, INSTEAD OF WRITING IT DOWN THAN TYPING IT OVER AGAIN

Today nothing new to report only because I was too sore from work to right down my notes for my blog entry for the day so instead, I will sit here and complain about one thing. My cartoon watching has hit a new a low. I'm averaging about 22.5 minutes of cartoon watching. Which does bring me way below the "Average Jose Time Wasting Away in Front of Animation" levels. Well I'll be trying to rectify that real soon, or at least when I'm allowed to...heh heh.

EEEGADS I'M PART OF THE MANUAL WORK FORCE AGAIN

It's true my friends, countryman and cohorts. I'm actually a "hard" working man again. I'll have to let you all know how that goes. But today's little blog is a "memory moment." It goes back a whole 3 days, I know how does the time fly by so fast like a man backpedaling as to why he forgot your anniversary, to go out drinking with the boys. Well on 10-31-04 also commonly known as Halloween and more specifically, Trick or Treat day. Yeah baby, free candy, dressing up, scaring people and running amok, a day truly designed for adults...oh wait, that wasn't me this year. Instead, I went Tricking and Treating with clanWG. It was a night of watching the kids beg for candy and 4 adults walking behind the "Incredible Hulk" with blinking shoes...heh heh. I think we looked more like a mob enforced shaking down of the sweet and sugary goodness than a family trick or treating. But it has been the most fun I've had T or T'ing since the years of changing costumes, and hitting the "good candy houses" of yesteryear. Yes it was a good night. It truly was a nice and fun night.

HAVE YOU EVER

Have you ever wondered what has brought you to the place where you are? I've been thinking about this for the last couple of weeks, and I realized that everything has brought me to this place, and I'm grateful for everything. All the good things and bad, that have happened thus far have just made me the man, or jerk depending on who you ask, that I am now. It seems to be kind of weird thanking all the people who I should be hating but without them I'd be looking at the world from the bottom of a bottle slowly counting away the days till I cease to exist, and become nothing but a smear on the tapestry of life. I have a feeling that some of them want that anyway, but I can't blame them either. I can't fault them for their feelings, nor can they fault me for mine. I think that the more they tried to kill the person I am, the more they steered me into becoming the man I'm supposed to be. So it seems that hatred for the betrayers of my life, have turned to thanks and adulation. I sit here a stronger, saner and very honestly a better man for it. But that doesn't mean I've forgiven them for the acts of betrayals, just accepted them. You can't expect the rattlesnake not to strike, just because it isn't shaking it's rattle. Just like if you piss of the dog, you can't expect the dog to forget, and question why it just bit you. So with that said, this goes to all the people who tried to make me less, because whether you wanted it or not, you made me more, and for that, thank you.

GETTING BETTER

One of the nice things about my life right now is simply the fact that no matter how grey life is,the sun seems to keep shining through the grey. Who knew that proverbial sunny day would be so nice to feel. Well I know now, how it's supposed to make you feel, and it's nice, very very nice.

DAY 3 AND JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER

Hehehehehe, I realize the more sleep one gets the day before the less sleep they need for the next day. I have been awake since roughly 2:30 AM and been out of bed since about 4:00 AM. That in and of itself is pretty foreign to me. I'm usually going to sleep at 9ish AM and waking up at 9ish PM. This is usually a restless sleep. Or in some cases a "green label" induced sleep. Which means it is neither restful nor a "good nights" sleep. So I was awake. Yay me. So Wg does this badges thing for POGO and I helped her get the "Sweet Tooth" badge thingy. But for the last couple games I had a helper on my knee. As we giggled and compared who was cooler stories (he won) WG was standing behind us. I think this little Norman Rockwell-esque situation made her happy. Yo know when you can feel someone beaming with happiness...well I felt that. I knew it was different than the usual beaming that takes place (usually with a baseball bat, my head and the terrifying shriek "Won't fill the ice cubes HUH?!?!?!?!?!" but I digress). It was a heart warming and very comforting setting this morning. Does this mean I'm getting domesticated? Does this mean that I'm setteling down? Does this mean I can keep asking questions like this to take up space on my blog? Does this mean I can finally know the answer to how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop, without biting? Does anyone know how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuckcould chuck wood?

INSERT BANJO MUSIC

Hehehehe, I realized today that the smaller the town, the nicer the Goodwill. I also realized that when your Goodwill is in the same stripmall that your Family Dollar, Grocery Store and Hallmark store are, you sure can do a lot of price comparisons, and no-one looks at you funny. Well unless you happen to be a Mexican wearing a pair cut-off scrub pants in a place where flannel and denim are as popular as breathing. I knew I was in flannel country when I was in the goodwill and a 15 foot section of shirts that were for sale were flannel. From size teeny weenie to "OH MERCIFUL MINERVA!!!" To quote Marisa Tomei from the most awesome flick "My Cousin Vinny"..."yeah, you blend." Yay me...is that dueling banjo's playing?

AND "BOX"ING IS THE NEW FAVORITE PAST TIME

There are some conversations that I really wish I wasn't a part of...especially when dealing with fuzzy boxes, dirty boxes, shared boxes, and boxes that light up when someones on them, and especially if they blink...sometimes I wonder about our future...than I realize...oh crap these are my peers. So who wants to hedge their bets on the next generation?

HOLY COW DID A MOUSE JUST FART

You know it's quiet here. It's really quiet. I never noticed how nice that was. I can here the fish tank, and the clock ticking away the seconds. I can here the cars driving on the raod a block away, and I have no desire to turn on a cd, radio or the TV. As I type away at this keyboard, each keystroke almost sounds like thunder, because it happens to be the loudest thing I hear. At the same time though, the silence also makes a noise all it's own. Kind of like the same way a room might be dark, but when you close your eyes the darkness is deeper and darker. I mean I can hear the chair I'm sitting on creak when I lean back on it, I can hear the wind as it blows. I can hear the people laugh as they walk past the house on the sidewalk below. But, for me that is, the most refreshing thing is simply that I'm not thinking right now. My brain is actually quite peaceful. That silence, is actually the nicest feeling. For once I am at peace with myself. No inner turmoil. No self doubts. No insecurities. Nothing at all, ezcept the patient waiting for WG to get home. Oh sure it won't be quiet anymore, but it's a nice sound to have, after a day of silence. So you want to know something? Today is turning out to be a perfect day.

ROCK N ROLL A BYE BYE

I slept today. That's all I did, well except for the blog entry and the transferring of money to the ex, other than that that was all. Watched a little TV after WG came home, but all I did otherwise was sleep. It felt good. I actually feel awake for the first time in a long time. I feel invigorated, I feel great. Hell, I feel like a new man. Oh wow is it bed time already? Good I was feeling sleepy.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN

Well I'll be hitting the road for possibly the last time again. Well atleast in the fact that I won't be living in Waukesha, WI anymore...or ever again. Never wanted to move back in the first place, but that's ancient history, along with the reason. You know, you think I should be worried, but I'm not, and that's the cool part. I was talking to my mom today, and she was pretty sad about me leaving, but she was also very very happy because of where I was going. That was cool, and I know when I tell WG she'll get all smiley because she likes the fact that my mom likes her, and sides with her, even if they're both wrong, because when you put them together, they're right and of course I feel the pain later. I think my life is about to change, and all I can see are good things happening. talk to you all later.

STILL ON THE ROAD SOMEHOW

went to see WG...went to the shack with WGM, WGD, WG and WGG...out in the middle of duh boonies...relaxing-tension slipping away-eyes getting sleepy-it's not even 1030...going to sleep...