http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/35226/detail/
THIS!!!!
3/27/2006
I BELIEVE THIS TO BE MY LAST BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN PARAODY
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YOU KNOW SOMETIMES ADVERTISING IS JUST TOO DAMN FUNNY
http://www.toxic.no/php/vis_film.php?id=82 Kinda makes you think a wee lil bit...LOL
WHAT THE INTERNET IS FOR
WHAT THE INTERNET IS FOR
INTERNET IS FOR PORN Umm I guess the link kinda says it...but the vid is quite funny
INTERNET IS FOR PORN Umm I guess the link kinda says it...but the vid is quite funny
3/22/2006
A BLOG TO READ
Insight, passion and wisdom are things that come from many places. This is one of them...please read it.
http://thecapt.blog-city.com/
http://thecapt.blog-city.com/
3/20/2006
Dr. Season prescribes....
at least 24 hours of bed rest. Hopefully his fever will break and his flu will be under control. Please check back on Wednesday.
THE WEEKEND
Well, lets start with that. I was just making sure I got somethings posted and some links up before I forgot. So let's start:
FRIDAY
Season and I, went out on a date. We did the movie and dinner thing, meaning we are getting to old to think of more exciting things to do, well atleast outside the home. HEEHEE. So we went to see Memoirs of a Geisha, and as usual Season said I probably wouldn't like it. Which always cracks me up, because with the exception of Sideways, we have pretty much agreed on all the movies we've seen. I mean she did "trick" me into watching The Life of David Gale, by telling me that Laura Linney gets naked. Of course she did fail to mention that it was during her suicide. Anyways, I getting off track here...we went to see Memoirs of a Geisha, and I was very impressed. The actors, along with sets, cotumes and locations were superb. A very solid story, with a very perfect ending for this drama. Of course never having read the book, of the same name, I had to rely on Season, who did read the book, for the trivial facts and such. With a few minor, well when they were explained to me they seemed minor, she said it was pretty close. So there you have it, we both liked the movie. So afterwards, for a late dinner, we really didn't care where or what, so because it was on the way home, and we were pretty close to it atthe time, we caved into corporations and ate at Applebee's. Yeah, just what we expected, overpriced mediocore food. So than we came home and called it a night. The end of Friday. Well the end of Friday with Season, a little bit later I'll go into lunch with my mother and sister.
SATURDAY
On Saturday mornings and for the past 6 Saturdays, we have breakfast with my stepfather. You know one of these days I'm gonna have to come up with a different name for him. Screw it. We had breakfast with Jeff at Denny's. It was as usual...very much a Denny's, meal. So afterwards, Season and I decided to go out for a drive. We did. We were on the road for about 5-6 hours. We came home. Brought some Chinese Food with us...and that's all I'm saying about that...other than it was a late night.
SUNDAY
We woke up early...don't you hate when that happens? Well anyways, we watched Saturday Night Main Event, and I think I'm bringing Season around to "Sports Entertainment". Well after that...I guess it's another "CENSORED" moment. Than a Homer Simpson moment. It was a donut craving moment. It was a drive 45 minutes for Dunkin Donut's (and the irony that on the front page of the site, there's not a single donut). So after a DD feeding frenzy, we did something I haven't done in a very very long time. I asked Season if she wanted to go play video games. So we went to Fun World, and we shot things, beat each other up, blew each other up, competed (albeit not seriously) and many an ass whoopings were handed out. We came home, cuddled and later went to sleep. Now this may not be a picture perfect weekend, but Season and I aren't picture perfect either, well except to each other. So for us, it was absolutely perfect.
Thanks for letting me share,
Jose
FRIDAY
Season and I, went out on a date. We did the movie and dinner thing, meaning we are getting to old to think of more exciting things to do, well atleast outside the home. HEEHEE. So we went to see Memoirs of a Geisha, and as usual Season said I probably wouldn't like it. Which always cracks me up, because with the exception of Sideways, we have pretty much agreed on all the movies we've seen. I mean she did "trick" me into watching The Life of David Gale, by telling me that Laura Linney gets naked. Of course she did fail to mention that it was during her suicide. Anyways, I getting off track here...we went to see Memoirs of a Geisha, and I was very impressed. The actors, along with sets, cotumes and locations were superb. A very solid story, with a very perfect ending for this drama. Of course never having read the book, of the same name, I had to rely on Season, who did read the book, for the trivial facts and such. With a few minor, well when they were explained to me they seemed minor, she said it was pretty close. So there you have it, we both liked the movie. So afterwards, for a late dinner, we really didn't care where or what, so because it was on the way home, and we were pretty close to it atthe time, we caved into corporations and ate at Applebee's. Yeah, just what we expected, overpriced mediocore food. So than we came home and called it a night. The end of Friday. Well the end of Friday with Season, a little bit later I'll go into lunch with my mother and sister.
SATURDAY
On Saturday mornings and for the past 6 Saturdays, we have breakfast with my stepfather. You know one of these days I'm gonna have to come up with a different name for him. Screw it. We had breakfast with Jeff at Denny's. It was as usual...very much a Denny's, meal. So afterwards, Season and I decided to go out for a drive. We did. We were on the road for about 5-6 hours. We came home. Brought some Chinese Food with us...and that's all I'm saying about that...other than it was a late night.
SUNDAY
We woke up early...don't you hate when that happens? Well anyways, we watched Saturday Night Main Event, and I think I'm bringing Season around to "Sports Entertainment". Well after that...I guess it's another "CENSORED" moment. Than a Homer Simpson moment. It was a donut craving moment. It was a drive 45 minutes for Dunkin Donut's (and the irony that on the front page of the site, there's not a single donut). So after a DD feeding frenzy, we did something I haven't done in a very very long time. I asked Season if she wanted to go play video games. So we went to Fun World, and we shot things, beat each other up, blew each other up, competed (albeit not seriously) and many an ass whoopings were handed out. We came home, cuddled and later went to sleep. Now this may not be a picture perfect weekend, but Season and I aren't picture perfect either, well except to each other. So for us, it was absolutely perfect.
Thanks for letting me share,
Jose
A POST...A COMMENT...AND THE REASON
So here's how it goes...
the post... SIMPLY PUT...THIS OUR SONG...MEANING SEASON AND I
the comment... kevin g made this comment, It's cool that you've picked up a song to identify with.
the reason... OK, well it had been 5 almost 6 months since I moved into Rivendale. I was very very lonely, sad and slowly dying. So a week earlier, I more or less blackmailed Season to come and spend some time with me...and that night saved my life. No lie. That night I as ready to lay down and let the buzzards claim me. A bit melodramatic I know, but what can I say, I was ready. So Season showed up...and at the end of the night...she asked me when I normally go out. So I told her "Now...only on Tuesdays." So she said, in the cliff note version of the conversation, "I'll see you next Tuesday." And I agreed. So at that moment...the Governor of Joseville...had granted a stay of execution. So the next Tuesday...Season was there...and so was I. Well as the night went on...Season, myself, the bartender and the off duty bartender were throwing them down. So the employees, somewhere near the end of the evening, said "you 2 should dance." Both Season and I agreed...and very emphatically said NO!!! Well the bartender said..."If I have to dance so do you 2." So both Season and I said umm...well OK...and to each other "well it will get them off our backs." Well the song that played was "We Danced". That was pretty much the moment when we both new and admitted that there was a chemistry. So yeah to this day, that will always be our song. Just some clarification.
Enjoy.
Jose
the post... SIMPLY PUT...THIS OUR SONG...MEANING SEASON AND I
the comment... kevin g made this comment, It's cool that you've picked up a song to identify with.
the reason... OK, well it had been 5 almost 6 months since I moved into Rivendale. I was very very lonely, sad and slowly dying. So a week earlier, I more or less blackmailed Season to come and spend some time with me...and that night saved my life. No lie. That night I as ready to lay down and let the buzzards claim me. A bit melodramatic I know, but what can I say, I was ready. So Season showed up...and at the end of the night...she asked me when I normally go out. So I told her "Now...only on Tuesdays." So she said, in the cliff note version of the conversation, "I'll see you next Tuesday." And I agreed. So at that moment...the Governor of Joseville...had granted a stay of execution. So the next Tuesday...Season was there...and so was I. Well as the night went on...Season, myself, the bartender and the off duty bartender were throwing them down. So the employees, somewhere near the end of the evening, said "you 2 should dance." Both Season and I agreed...and very emphatically said NO!!! Well the bartender said..."If I have to dance so do you 2." So both Season and I said umm...well OK...and to each other "well it will get them off our backs." Well the song that played was "We Danced". That was pretty much the moment when we both new and admitted that there was a chemistry. So yeah to this day, that will always be our song. Just some clarification.
Enjoy.
Jose
MEN AND HOUSEWORK
One evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table set.
She was astonished --somethings up.
It turned out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired have sex.
The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it.
"We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed the evening."
"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.
"Oh,That was perfect too. Ralph was too tired..."
She was astonished --somethings up.
It turned out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired have sex.
The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it.
"We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed the evening."
"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.
"Oh,That was perfect too. Ralph was too tired..."
HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shall not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
The Blacks asked "What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?"
"Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We aint inerested"
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans asked "What are Commandments? Can you give us and example."
"Thou shall not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French asked "What are Commandments? Can you give us and example."
"Thou shall not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."
There, that ought to offend just about everybody!
The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
And the Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shall not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."
So He went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
The Blacks asked "What are Commandments? Can you give us an example?"
"Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We aint inerested"
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans asked "What are Commandments? Can you give us and example."
"Thou shall not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."
Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French asked "What are Commandments? Can you give us and example."
"Thou shall not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
"They're free."
"We'll take 10."
There, that ought to offend just about everybody!
JUST A GAME I WASTED MOST OF A DAY ON
and I thought I would share. So here you go... http://www.arcadebin.com/index.php?action=play&id=295
THIS IS JUST INSANE
http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1142411367/Insane_Head_Twist ...UMMM well I did say it was insane
DOGGIE PORN....LMAO
http://www.medialunchbox.com/Funny-Videos/6.Animals/144.Doggie-Threesome.html just wrong and truly disturbing...but mostly funny
3/17/2006
PORN...LOL...PORN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LqloHbHlA40&feature=Views&page=4&t=t&f=b
this is one of the greatest pranks...LOL
this is one of the greatest pranks...LOL
3/16/2006
"We Danced"
"We Danced"
The bar was empty
I was sweeping up the floor
That's when she walked in
I said, "I'm sorry but we're closed"
And she said "I know,
But I'm afraid I left my purse"
I said, "I put one back behind the bar
I bet it's probably yours"
And the next thing that I knew There we were, lost in conversation
And before I handed her her purse
I said, "You'll only get this back on one condition"
[Chorus]And we danced
Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced
And from that moment There was never any doubt
I had found the one
That I had always dreamed about
And then one evenin'
When she stopped by after work
I pulled a diamond ring out of the pocket of my shirt
And as her eyes filled up with tears
She said, "This is the last thing I expected"
And then she took me by the hand
And said, "I'll only marry you on one condition"
[Chorus]
Like no one else had ever danced before
I can't explain what happened on that floor
But the music played We held each other close
And we danced
Yeah, we danced
The bar was empty
I was sweeping up the floor
That's when she walked in
I said, "I'm sorry but we're closed"
And she said "I know,
But I'm afraid I left my purse"
I said, "I put one back behind the bar
I bet it's probably yours"
And the next thing that I knew There we were, lost in conversation
And before I handed her her purse
I said, "You'll only get this back on one condition"
[Chorus]And we danced
Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced
And from that moment There was never any doubt
I had found the one
That I had always dreamed about
And then one evenin'
When she stopped by after work
I pulled a diamond ring out of the pocket of my shirt
And as her eyes filled up with tears
She said, "This is the last thing I expected"
And then she took me by the hand
And said, "I'll only marry you on one condition"
[Chorus]
Like no one else had ever danced before
I can't explain what happened on that floor
But the music played We held each other close
And we danced
Yeah, we danced
3/15/2006
THIS IS SO WRONG...BUT
Damnit I had to share. It sure puts that christmas song into a new perspective...LOL
http://www.comeallyefaithful.co.uk/
http://www.comeallyefaithful.co.uk/
HONESTLY...this isn't funny
But every once in a while the writers have no clue what they are doing...this was taken from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4806852.stm and cut and pasted here in it's complete form(minus the picture) and well you tell me...
Train kills deaf US beauty queen
A deaf beauty queen has died after being struck by a train in the US state of Texas.
Miss Deaf Texas, Tara Rose McAvoy, 18, who was deaf from birth, was hit by the train in Austin on Monday.
(this is where the writer gets stupid. Jose)----> The train continued to sound its horn right up to the accident, a witness told a local television station.
The Texas Association of the Deaf had been appealing for funds to help send Ms McAvoy to the national deaf pageant in California in July.
The state pageant director, Laura Loeb-Hill, told the Associated Press news agency on Monday that Ms McAvoy had represented the state "with dignity and pride".
Ms McAvoy had started at Gallaudet University in Washington in January but had returned to Texas, Ms Loeb-Hill said.
Now don't get me wrong I feel bad for this girl and her family and friends, but to mention that the train kept blowing it's horn...just plain stupid. It's like those signs that tell you there a deaf child in the area, and the smart asses who just start blaring their car horns...see??
tell me what ya think..
Jose
Train kills deaf US beauty queen
A deaf beauty queen has died after being struck by a train in the US state of Texas.
Miss Deaf Texas, Tara Rose McAvoy, 18, who was deaf from birth, was hit by the train in Austin on Monday.
(this is where the writer gets stupid. Jose)----> The train continued to sound its horn right up to the accident, a witness told a local television station.
The Texas Association of the Deaf had been appealing for funds to help send Ms McAvoy to the national deaf pageant in California in July.
The state pageant director, Laura Loeb-Hill, told the Associated Press news agency on Monday that Ms McAvoy had represented the state "with dignity and pride".
Ms McAvoy had started at Gallaudet University in Washington in January but had returned to Texas, Ms Loeb-Hill said.
Now don't get me wrong I feel bad for this girl and her family and friends, but to mention that the train kept blowing it's horn...just plain stupid. It's like those signs that tell you there a deaf child in the area, and the smart asses who just start blaring their car horns...see??
tell me what ya think..
Jose
3/14/2006
I HATE TV...hey where's the remote
OK Tonight I watched Nashville Star. I'll be watching it again next week. I'll probably watch it, for the 8 weeks it is on. Man I need a life.
Jose
Jose
WELL I'M FEELING BETTER...SORTA
Well all I can really say is that the fever is gone...still achey...still tired...and allergies are still kicking my ass. So with that said, I dunno if I'll be posting tomorrow, you see I gotta do the multicalling thing. I gotta call the marriage license people, the clerks people and even maybe some Rivendale people. So I guess to make up for that I'll be here on and off all day today if'n when I find sumfin worth talking bout. see ya'll real soon.
Jose
Jose
TRANSFORMERS MORE THAN MEETS THE...FORCE???
Good golly miss molly, another fanboys wet dream. Who would have thunk it? Star Wars vehicles and characters, have joined the Transformers. Since right now it's just the villains will they be called the Autobots and the Republicons? Wow, another joke that only a few will ever understand, anyways, here's the link so check it out...
http://www.starwars.com/collecting/news/hasbro/news20060310.html
enjoy
Jose
http://www.starwars.com/collecting/news/hasbro/news20060310.html
enjoy
Jose
3/13/2006
SICK OF IT ALL...PASS THE COLD MEDICINE PLEASE
Godamnit, I'm sick again. Plus my allergies (that were non existant in Rivendale) have come back with a vengence. So today I'm curling up on the couch with Battlestar Galactica on the SciFi channel, drinking juice and cursing the person who gave this to me. hopefully I'll be in better form tomorrow.
Jose
Jose
3/12/2006
LOL I HAD A REQUEST...sorta
LOL, now who says that if you make a request (or even just hint) There's a decent chance I might be able to help...so here you go...
LIVE ACTION SIMPSONS
LIVE ACTION SIMPSONS
3/10/2006
SIMPSONS & SOUTH PARK?? awesome
A nice spoof of South Park by the Simpson's
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/77725/simpsons_spoof_southpark/
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/77725/simpsons_spoof_southpark/
SITTING IN AWE
Yo know I waste a lot of time on this blog. Sometimes I have very deep things to say and sometimes I have nothing to say. But most times, I'm just sharing with you all things that catch my eye, get emailed to me or I find on another blog/website just by accident. But there are times when a simple little comment will take me in a direction I didn't know was there. You see a fellow blogger left a comment, so being the nosy lil bastard I am, I checked his profile to see if he had a blog. He did, so there I go and read the whole thing. And I sit here in awe of his use of words and emotions, accentuated by music references, which when done, creates and amazing experience. I've been sitting here for close to 30 minutes trying to figure out how to give this guy and his blog the proper respect, and I think I might have it. It's blogs like that, where the blog is a canvas and that blogger an artist, that proves that this blogger is still using crayola crayons and filling in a coloring book. So here you go.
Missed Exit
Check it out. It's one of the few times I won't have to tell you to enjoy, because when you do read it, you will.
Jose
Missed Exit
Check it out. It's one of the few times I won't have to tell you to enjoy, because when you do read it, you will.
Jose
THE HUSBAND STORE
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited.
KERMIT IS THE ONE
LOL the muppets like you've never seen before.
http://www.disloyal.org/videos/592/themuppetmatrix.html
enjoy
Jose
http://www.disloyal.org/videos/592/themuppetmatrix.html
enjoy
Jose
QUEEN AMIDALA....YEEEEEAH BOOOOOOOOOOOY!!!!!
LMAO!!!! OMG!!! Well what can I say other than here's Natalie Portman on SNL (WHAT!!) I said here's Natalie Portman on SNL getting GANGSTA RAP on all of yous. WORD!
http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=3406&rtn=index-topten
enjoy
Jose
http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=3406&rtn=index-topten
enjoy
Jose
OOOOH DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!!
I went and watched the X-Men III trailer today. Yowza!! Sweet MAMA!! OOOOOOH SNAAAAAAAAAP!! Slap My Ass and call it a Lil Burrito!! It was amazing. I'm actually now very very interested in the movie. Damnit!! Now there are 3 movies I have the hankering for. Well here you go, check out the trailer, and decide for yourself if it's going to be one of the coolest flicks this summer.
http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/tls/trailer/large.html
enjoy
Jose
http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/tls/trailer/large.html
enjoy
Jose
MARIO IS BACK...sorta
You know I'm not that big on video games but yes back in the 80's I too was bitten by the Mario Bros' bug. But not as much as these two cats. The first guy does a pretty cool job on the theme and he adds a lot of the special F?X sounds too...
http://www.compfused.com/directlink/99/
but this next guy does him one up. He plays the entire theme on 2 guitars. And it's pretty spooky how good it sounds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSzUe3ZQvxQ
so enjoy
Jose
http://www.compfused.com/directlink/99/
but this next guy does him one up. He plays the entire theme on 2 guitars. And it's pretty spooky how good it sounds
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSzUe3ZQvxQ
so enjoy
Jose
NOW THESE ARE YOUR FRIENDS...well at least mine
As I've always said, your worst enemies are your best friends, only because we allow them to do these kind of things
http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/1778.html
http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/1778.html
Blind Man In A Ladies Bar
A blind man enters a Ladies' Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you want to hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is a blonde professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
3/09/2006
IS THIS ANYBODY YOU KNOW?
Season says this is me to the letter...
http://www.ucomics.com/foxtrot/2006/03/09/
and I think she might be right
http://www.ucomics.com/foxtrot/2006/03/09/
and I think she might be right
SPEAKING OF...
I just wanted tolet you all in on a little secret. I read comics. Ok that aint much of a secret, I know. But because of the last post, I went back and reread some of my comics. Well ok I wnet back and reread one set of comics. It's called BATTLE POPE. It's a heart warming tale of a gun toting, cigar smoking, tail chasing and whiskey drinking right hand of god bitch slapping demons. You know a family story. Just wanted to let you know.
Jose
Jose
A DIRECT LINE TO THE MAN UPSTAIRS
OH MY GOD! You know there are many things in this world that make me utter that phrase. Usually it's Season, hee hee hee, but never has it been more true than this. The pope has an email address. Did you hear me? I said THE POPE HAS AN EMAIL ADDRESS!! Because just praying for thngs wasn't good enough, now you can ask the main man to speak on your behalf. Where was this when I was asking god to make it snow because I didn't have my homework done? Back than I could have just emailed the pope and said
"Dear Mr. Pope, can you ask god for me to make it snow for me, I know he'll listen to you , cuz well, you are his Earth Rep. Thanks a lot I really appreciate it. I'll see you on sunday.
Love,
me"
Well in my head it made sense. But isn't the pope to busy to be wasting time on the internet? I mean does he get spammed like the rest of us, or does he have the "holy spam blocker of antioch?" I wonder what his holiness' reaction when he gets that generic viagra email? Or the christain singles or want a date email? I mean does the holiest of holies really need credit cards or starbucks and walmart surveys/gift cards? OH MY GOD does the pope need a bigger penis?? Maybe that's why we all get spammed. Maybe it's because the pope needs all these things, and this is gods way of telling us what we need to do to claim salvation. Or maybe this is just my way to make my fiery decent into the lake of fire and brimstone happen that much faster?
Jose
ps the addy is benedictxvi@vatican.va
"Dear Mr. Pope, can you ask god for me to make it snow for me, I know he'll listen to you , cuz well, you are his Earth Rep. Thanks a lot I really appreciate it. I'll see you on sunday.
Love,
me"
Well in my head it made sense. But isn't the pope to busy to be wasting time on the internet? I mean does he get spammed like the rest of us, or does he have the "holy spam blocker of antioch?" I wonder what his holiness' reaction when he gets that generic viagra email? Or the christain singles or want a date email? I mean does the holiest of holies really need credit cards or starbucks and walmart surveys/gift cards? OH MY GOD does the pope need a bigger penis?? Maybe that's why we all get spammed. Maybe it's because the pope needs all these things, and this is gods way of telling us what we need to do to claim salvation. Or maybe this is just my way to make my fiery decent into the lake of fire and brimstone happen that much faster?
Jose
ps the addy is benedictxvi@vatican.va
A WEDDING UPDATE a letter to my cuz
About wedding plans (Jose story time…so sit back and get comfy). Well originally we were planning for June 3rd (that way I could never forget) because we had originally planned on having it up in the RIVENDALE area, so Season’s mom could come. She pretty much refuses to do any real road trip and being almost 80, I can understand. We were going to have a friend of ours, who has one of those Internet priest certificates, marry us, but he hasn’t got back to us. Well you know we wanted small service (meaning very very tiny), well Season’s mom called and pissed off Season. It went from both moms and 2 of Season’s friends being there (one because we were going to have it a the resort that her friend Jenny runs) and since other than you I having anyone else there really didn’t matter to me very much. So because you know my mom doesn’t go anywhere without my sis, we figured that my sis would come too. So when Season said this to her mom, well than it became “You know Season, you should rethink not inviting your siblings”, which turned into “We should invite some aunts and uncles”. To which my betrothed said, “If we invite one set of aunts and uncles, we’ll have to invite his aunt and uncles too”. Which, in our family at least, means that the cousins/dates/spouses/children are likewise invited. Which would than mean that we would have to invite her cousins/dates/spouses/children. So this little 8 person event becomes an almost 120 person event. That’s not including some of the few people if we had a choice we would rather have there, instead of family. You know what I mean so far? So needless to say, every time this is brought up Season just gets more and more irate (which as you know is 2 degrees past pissed). So because of this, it has turned into a let’s go to Vegas and get married there. I mean the $55 dollar license fee, no waiting period, and the fact that the license place is open 18 hours a day, makes it a very appealing idea. The only down side to this is the (total) $800 dollar plane trip/hotel room for 2 ½ days, or the $700-800 gas price to drive back and forth. So as of this moment in time (March 8, 2006) Season will be leaving early next Friday, and we’ll be heading to the State building and starting the whole marriage license thing. So after all that, we’re going to get married in a court house, we’re going to ask 2 people who are there to be our witnesses, going up to the Rivendale area on June 1st or June 2nd to the resort, stay there till the 5th, have that be our reception and our honeymoon. Again that’s of right now, that sure doesn’t mean it won’t change between now and than.
3/08/2006
[Review] CENTURY CHILD by NIGHTWISH
Review of Century Child
Well, I'm relatively new Nightwish fan, as I've only been into them for less than a year now, but I do have all their material, thanks to my friend Ray-Ray. She burned all the albums for me, and I'm in the process of getting the originals as we type. But I just wanted to tell you all how cool this album is. It's not any part of what is mainstream music. It's a great mix of heavy and orchestral music. A great mix of rock and opera, with some beautiful and sometimes haunting vocals and solid musicianship blends this all into a truly unique aural experience. If you never heard of them here you go. If you have heard of them, make a comment. Either way enjoy the music.
Jose
[Review] A Goofy Movie (Disney Gold Classic Collection)
Review of A Goofy Movie (Disney Gold Classic Collection)So last night, Season and I decided (well ok, it was me I hadn't seen this lil flick in a while and I had the hankerin to see it again) to watch A Goofy Movie. Ironically I had forgotten, how good this movie is. It has all th elements of a typical Disney movie, the song and dance number, the moral upholdings and the happy ending. But one thing this movie has is great connection for the father/son relationship during the awkward moments in life. You all know them, we usually call it "the teens". It's just a wonderful little movie that captures that feeling of wanting your own life (as a teen) and wanting to be a part of it (the parent). Just thought I'd share.
Jose
HELPING YOU HELPS ME...POST
Yesterday, and I got an email to help with a survey on parenting...and after reading it again today...it also works for a post...so here it is.Think back to when you were a child (school age) andanswer the following questions.
You can skip the firstone.
1. How old are you? Are you a boy or girl?
33 boy(although I think male is more appropriate)
2. Number these items with a number 1, 2, or 3. Thenumber 1 means it is really important to you, thenumber 2 means it is sort of important, the number 3means it is not important at all to you. There are noright or wrong answers.
_3___ Watching TV
_1___ My parentsand family
_2___ Using the computer
_1___ My friends
_1___ Telling the truth
_3___ Video games
_2___ Money
_1___ Schooland learning
_1___ Reading books
_2___ My health
_3___ Junk food
_2___ Music
3. What was your favorite thing to do as a kid?
pretend to be anybody but me
Why?
cuz that's what i did for fun. pretend to be stronger faster braver smarter, because those were the things that all kids want to be
4. Who was your favorite person, TV character, singer,band, or cartoon character? How come?
fave person-MOM cuz that's all I had
TV Character-Superman cuz I thought it would be so cool to fly away
singer-Donny Osmond cuz he was just cool
band-?? as a kid I really didn't listen to music, well not until I was almost 13
cartoon character-Aquaman cuz he was a king, he could swim, and talk to fishes
5. Did you normally eat dinner with your family?
NO
6. Was the TV on while you were eating dinner? Did youeat in front of the TV or at the dinner table?
YES tv was on and the DINNER TABLE was IN FRONT OF THE TV
7. Did your family play games or watch moviestogether?
NO
8. Did you go to church or Sunday school?
Yes but only because I had to go to church thru school, but no to sunday services
Think back to when you were a kid and answer these questions. If you weren't raised by your parents please specify who raised you.
1 What is your gender, age?
male 33
2 Did you respect your parents?
YES
3 How were you diciplined?
corpral punishment/time outs (except back than we called it sitting in a corner)
Did it work?
only till I got old enough to take the spankings and the corner treatment better
4 Did you have family activities? What were they?
no and N/A
5 Do you think being a parent is easier today than itwas 20 years ago?
NO
Why?
The resposnibilities and "threats" have changed. Before when diciplining a child was the act of a parent and the community, now is cause for mental and physical anguish. 20 years ago the community watched out for kids who were out running errands, where now most children are the victims of "oh look at that poor kid, WHERE are their parents?" 20 years ago children and parents took responsibility for their actions, where nowadays, its ADD, peer pressure, running with the wrong crowd, the fault of music, the fault of working parents not being home, the fault of video games/tv/movies/celebrities, it's a chemical imbalance, the parents don't give enough structure, they give too much structure, the schools/teachers don't care enough/too much, "stay out of it, we'll raise our child we don't need you telling us how", we were never told we could/couldn't do that. Back thanrespect for everyone was ingrained because that's what was acceptable behavior. We as kids didn't have any rights. We were allowed to be kids, and as kids we were all part of a dictatorship. "Because I said so" was a completely acceptable and final answer. "Because I'm the parent" ended all arguments. "Wait till your father/mother gets home" or a very "STERN LOOK" was all you needed to get your act together.
6 How often did you complain that you were bored?
ALL THE TIME but that doesn't mean I was
7 How many hours did you watch TV and/or use thecomputer?
when I was a kid...3-4 hours a night more on weekends and vacations from school
8 Did you do your best at school work or were you lazy?
LAZY!!!!
9 What has changed since you were a young child?
EVERYTHING
10 Would you rather grow up in today's world or areyou happy you grew up when you did?
When I did
Would you do anything differently?
nope...what I went through made me what I am today...for better or for worse
I didn't qualify for the next set of questions so I just deleted it from my response, enjoy and I hope this helps
(ps when you said kid/child I took that meant before being a teenager so all my answers are from the earliest I can remember to about 12ish years old, I hope that's what you meant, if not, then resend the questions)
Jose
You can skip the firstone.
1. How old are you? Are you a boy or girl?
33 boy(although I think male is more appropriate)
2. Number these items with a number 1, 2, or 3. Thenumber 1 means it is really important to you, thenumber 2 means it is sort of important, the number 3means it is not important at all to you. There are noright or wrong answers.
_3___ Watching TV
_1___ My parentsand family
_2___ Using the computer
_1___ My friends
_1___ Telling the truth
_3___ Video games
_2___ Money
_1___ Schooland learning
_1___ Reading books
_2___ My health
_3___ Junk food
_2___ Music
3. What was your favorite thing to do as a kid?
pretend to be anybody but me
Why?
cuz that's what i did for fun. pretend to be stronger faster braver smarter, because those were the things that all kids want to be
4. Who was your favorite person, TV character, singer,band, or cartoon character? How come?
fave person-MOM cuz that's all I had
TV Character-Superman cuz I thought it would be so cool to fly away
singer-Donny Osmond cuz he was just cool
band-?? as a kid I really didn't listen to music, well not until I was almost 13
cartoon character-Aquaman cuz he was a king, he could swim, and talk to fishes
5. Did you normally eat dinner with your family?
NO
6. Was the TV on while you were eating dinner? Did youeat in front of the TV or at the dinner table?
YES tv was on and the DINNER TABLE was IN FRONT OF THE TV
7. Did your family play games or watch moviestogether?
NO
8. Did you go to church or Sunday school?
Yes but only because I had to go to church thru school, but no to sunday services
Think back to when you were a kid and answer these questions. If you weren't raised by your parents please specify who raised you.
1 What is your gender, age?
male 33
2 Did you respect your parents?
YES
3 How were you diciplined?
corpral punishment/time outs (except back than we called it sitting in a corner)
Did it work?
only till I got old enough to take the spankings and the corner treatment better
4 Did you have family activities? What were they?
no and N/A
5 Do you think being a parent is easier today than itwas 20 years ago?
NO
Why?
The resposnibilities and "threats" have changed. Before when diciplining a child was the act of a parent and the community, now is cause for mental and physical anguish. 20 years ago the community watched out for kids who were out running errands, where now most children are the victims of "oh look at that poor kid, WHERE are their parents?" 20 years ago children and parents took responsibility for their actions, where nowadays, its ADD, peer pressure, running with the wrong crowd, the fault of music, the fault of working parents not being home, the fault of video games/tv/movies/celebrities, it's a chemical imbalance, the parents don't give enough structure, they give too much structure, the schools/teachers don't care enough/too much, "stay out of it, we'll raise our child we don't need you telling us how", we were never told we could/couldn't do that. Back thanrespect for everyone was ingrained because that's what was acceptable behavior. We as kids didn't have any rights. We were allowed to be kids, and as kids we were all part of a dictatorship. "Because I said so" was a completely acceptable and final answer. "Because I'm the parent" ended all arguments. "Wait till your father/mother gets home" or a very "STERN LOOK" was all you needed to get your act together.
6 How often did you complain that you were bored?
ALL THE TIME but that doesn't mean I was
7 How many hours did you watch TV and/or use thecomputer?
when I was a kid...3-4 hours a night more on weekends and vacations from school
8 Did you do your best at school work or were you lazy?
LAZY!!!!
9 What has changed since you were a young child?
EVERYTHING
10 Would you rather grow up in today's world or areyou happy you grew up when you did?
When I did
Would you do anything differently?
nope...what I went through made me what I am today...for better or for worse
I didn't qualify for the next set of questions so I just deleted it from my response, enjoy and I hope this helps
(ps when you said kid/child I took that meant before being a teenager so all my answers are from the earliest I can remember to about 12ish years old, I hope that's what you meant, if not, then resend the questions)
Jose
DANA REEVE 1961-2006
"Dana will always be remembered for her passion, strength and ceaseless courage that became her hallmark. Along with her husband Christopher, she faced adversity with grace and determination, bringing hope to millions around the world.
"In addition to being a wonderful mother, actress, singer, author, motivational speaker and advocate, she was a founding board member of the Christopher Reeve Foundation and succeeded her late husband, Christopher Reeve, as chair in 2004. Ms. Reeve established the Foundation's Quality of Life initiatives: the Quality of Life grants program and the Christopher & Dana Reeve Paralysis Resource Center. Since its inception in 1999, the Quality of Life grants program has awarded more than $8 million to support programs and projects that improve the daily lives of people living with paralysis."
"After Christopher's death, Dana was determined to preserve the important work and the legacy of hope that became his life's mission. Even in our grief, the Foundation must pick up and continue to Go Forward with this mission. At the same time, we commit ourselves to ensuring that the light of grace, courage and hopefulness that Dana embodied continues to shine bright - bringing comfort and hope to people living with paralysis and their families and caregivers.
"Dana's courage and conviction leave us all with an abiding faith in every person's ability to make an important difference. We GO FORWARD because it is the responsibility of everyone touched by this remarkable woman to carry on the work of the Foundation."
Ms. Reeve also served on the boards of The Williamstown Theatre Festival, The Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey, TechHealth, and The Reeve-Irvine Center for Spinal Cord Research and as an advisory board member to the National Family Caregivers Association.
She received numerous awards for her work, most notably the Shining Example Award from Proctor & Gamble in 1998, an American Image Award from the AAFA in 2003, and, the American Cancer Society named her Mother of the Year in 2005. Her book, Care Packages, was published by Random House.
Reeve is survived by her father, Dr. Charles Morosini, sisters Deborah Morosini and Adrienne Morosini Heilman, her son Will and two stepchildren, Matthew and Alexandra. The family has requested privacy during this difficult time.At this time, no plans for a funeral have been announced. For those who care to do so, donations may be made in Dana's memory to the Christopher Reeve Foundation, 636 Morris Turnpike, Short Hills, New Jersey 07078 or online at www.ChristopherReeve.org
That was borrowed from the Christopher Reeve Foundation, and I guess now it's my turn to say something. On October 10, 2004, the world lost a hero. On that day a Superman passed away, and the world became a little more empty. Well the world has become even more empty. This world has lost another hero. Dana Reeve has passed away. I guess, this world had a beacon that was shining to bright. I guess there was a woman with too much strength in this world. I guess there was still a person who inspired too much hope. I say this because why else would we lose such a good person. I mourn the passing of a person I never met. I mourn the man and woman...no that's not true. I still mourn a Superman and now I mourn a Superwoman too. This world keeps getting darker, but at least there have been two people who have inspired this one person. I may never be as strong or as bright but I can try. I guess that's all I can do.
Jose
"In addition to being a wonderful mother, actress, singer, author, motivational speaker and advocate, she was a founding board member of the Christopher Reeve Foundation and succeeded her late husband, Christopher Reeve, as chair in 2004. Ms. Reeve established the Foundation's Quality of Life initiatives: the Quality of Life grants program and the Christopher & Dana Reeve Paralysis Resource Center. Since its inception in 1999, the Quality of Life grants program has awarded more than $8 million to support programs and projects that improve the daily lives of people living with paralysis."
"After Christopher's death, Dana was determined to preserve the important work and the legacy of hope that became his life's mission. Even in our grief, the Foundation must pick up and continue to Go Forward with this mission. At the same time, we commit ourselves to ensuring that the light of grace, courage and hopefulness that Dana embodied continues to shine bright - bringing comfort and hope to people living with paralysis and their families and caregivers.
"Dana's courage and conviction leave us all with an abiding faith in every person's ability to make an important difference. We GO FORWARD because it is the responsibility of everyone touched by this remarkable woman to carry on the work of the Foundation."
Ms. Reeve also served on the boards of The Williamstown Theatre Festival, The Shakespeare Theatre of New Jersey, TechHealth, and The Reeve-Irvine Center for Spinal Cord Research and as an advisory board member to the National Family Caregivers Association.
She received numerous awards for her work, most notably the Shining Example Award from Proctor & Gamble in 1998, an American Image Award from the AAFA in 2003, and, the American Cancer Society named her Mother of the Year in 2005. Her book, Care Packages, was published by Random House.
Reeve is survived by her father, Dr. Charles Morosini, sisters Deborah Morosini and Adrienne Morosini Heilman, her son Will and two stepchildren, Matthew and Alexandra. The family has requested privacy during this difficult time.At this time, no plans for a funeral have been announced. For those who care to do so, donations may be made in Dana's memory to the Christopher Reeve Foundation, 636 Morris Turnpike, Short Hills, New Jersey 07078 or online at www.ChristopherReeve.org
That was borrowed from the Christopher Reeve Foundation, and I guess now it's my turn to say something. On October 10, 2004, the world lost a hero. On that day a Superman passed away, and the world became a little more empty. Well the world has become even more empty. This world has lost another hero. Dana Reeve has passed away. I guess, this world had a beacon that was shining to bright. I guess there was a woman with too much strength in this world. I guess there was still a person who inspired too much hope. I say this because why else would we lose such a good person. I mourn the passing of a person I never met. I mourn the man and woman...no that's not true. I still mourn a Superman and now I mourn a Superwoman too. This world keeps getting darker, but at least there have been two people who have inspired this one person. I may never be as strong or as bright but I can try. I guess that's all I can do.
Jose
3/07/2006
BOREDOM AND IRONY
You know just for shits and giggles...well actually, just wasting some time before Season calls me, I decided to do a "Confessional blogs" search on Google. You know, just to see if my waste of space showed up...it did. I know I did this before, but like I said I was bored...and a little curious. NO you feinds, not about that, just curious to where exactly I show up. You know page, next to what...that kind of thing.
Well it was on the 11th page that my lil waste of space reared it's little prairie dog head. BUt the thing that killed me was this, and I'm showing you:
the confessional blogs4Godblogs4God. A semi-definitive list of Christians who blog. ... the confessional. anglo-catholic quaker scratchings. URL. XML feed ...
www.blogs4god.com/aggregator/sources/907 - 62k - Cached - Similar pages
confessionsofacerealeater.blog-city.comThe Confessional. just my way of cleansing mind body and soul with words, ... It includes this blog. It's like a dvd with the special features. ...
confessionsofacerealeater.blog-city.com/ - 42k - Cached - Similar pages
Google Groups : Confessional Lutheran Bloggers Conference Another step in my sinister plan for confessional Lutheran blogging dominance involves a separate blog with aggregator. TK, as a member of the MOB ...
groups.google.com/group/CLBC - 41k - Cached - Similar pages
I'm in between GOD BLOGS?!?!?!?! You know this reminds me of the old Sesame Street song....
one of these things is not like the others....
just thought I'd share is all.
Jose
Well it was on the 11th page that my lil waste of space reared it's little prairie dog head. BUt the thing that killed me was this, and I'm showing you:
the confessional blogs4Godblogs4God. A semi-definitive list of Christians who blog. ... the confessional. anglo-catholic quaker scratchings. URL. XML feed ...
www.blogs4god.com/aggregator/sources/907 - 62k - Cached - Similar pages
confessionsofacerealeater.blog-city.comThe Confessional. just my way of cleansing mind body and soul with words, ... It includes this blog. It's like a dvd with the special features. ...
confessionsofacerealeater.blog-city.com/ - 42k - Cached - Similar pages
Google Groups : Confessional Lutheran Bloggers Conference Another step in my sinister plan for confessional Lutheran blogging dominance involves a separate blog with aggregator. TK, as a member of the MOB ...
groups.google.com/group/CLBC - 41k - Cached - Similar pages
I'm in between GOD BLOGS?!?!?!?! You know this reminds me of the old Sesame Street song....
one of these things is not like the others....
just thought I'd share is all.
Jose
DAILY OBSERVATIONS
A few weeks back Season and I were driving and we saw this truck with a web addy on it. It cracked us up so muh that we looked it up. Iplanned on adding it back than, but I forgot...till today when I saw the truck again. So here you have (and I shit you not)
LandscapeGod.com
and well, he really does some really good work. Can I get an AMEN??
Jose
LandscapeGod.com
and well, he really does some really good work. Can I get an AMEN??
Jose
Dr. Who's Tom Baker tells Jokes
A place where Dr Who geeks can play called Tom Baker Says...this one has him telling jokes...You really gotta listen to bang thud. So enjoy this brainless waste of time.
Jose
Jose
WELCOME
I, like many people, don't handle loss very well. I have given up many things and many friendships in my life. But to lose them, is a whole different untamed animal. I don't like the way the "bites hurt". I know I'm not the only one. You see, this blog was supposed to be a way for me to release those thoughts and demons that plague me. You know like a cheap invisable therapist. Along with an avenue of venting some very angry thoughts and some stupid laughs. It was supposed to be all those things, but there are some things, that when I do talk about them. Especially on here, well it leaves me feeling very naked, raw and utterly helpless. So sometimes, it takes me a little while to get back in the groove of things. Well the phongraph needle has been placed and the 12 inch vinyl that is my life starts playing again. I don't know who reads (or still reads in some cases) this lil waste of space, but I do know one thing. I'm not done yet. It may be a very tumultuous ride at times, but to half quote Eminem
it's my life, i'd like to welcome y'all to the ... show
so welcome...and don't forget to wipe your feet
Jose
it's my life, i'd like to welcome y'all to the ... show
so welcome...and don't forget to wipe your feet
Jose
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