5/30/2006
FAMILY PICNICS
Oh good lord, you know those things you do for your parents? Well I only do them for Jeff. You see, he and my mom are getting divorced, and I'm ok with that. They both want what is fair. I'm ok with that. But mom is being a skank about it. Well to cut a lot of drama out (that story is for a future entry) For Jeff I came over and spent the afternoon with the family. I know I have to be the "Good Son" once in a while. I just wish it could be on crappy days, not nice summer days. It was the longest 2.5 hours this weekend. I hate it when you have to pretend to be nice, because I don't pretend to well anymore. I'm getting older and my time is to precious to be dealling with that shite. BUT for Jeff I did. That's life. When you're born, you're born with relatives. You will always have them. But a family you build for yourself. I have a mother, a sister, uncles and cousins and they are my relatives. But my wife and Jeff are my family. The song is over, please wait a moment, the next song will be starting shortly
Review of Maximum Ride: School's Out Forever
OH MY GOD!!! What a great ride!!! It was well worth the wait, and now I'm waiting again for more. The pacing is awesome. The characters kick some flocking ass!!! Sure it's a pretty simple and straight forward plot, but when it's this good, it doesn't need all of the extreme plot twists, and surprise endings. It does have some, but IMO it's just to move the main story. I sacrificed sleep to read this book. It is better than the first book. I laughed out loud and shed some tears. It's, for lack of a better statement, a maximum joy ride that I will read to my children (when I have them) and borrow to adults. Just because it is that good!!!
5/29/2006
TAKE A MOMENT
This is for those who fell, and never stood again,
Those who chose bravery over timidity,
Who chose liberty over constraint,
Who stood for freedom,
Who knew the cost,
Who made that choice,
Who ultimately paid the price,
This is for you,
You are not forgotten.
You are remembered.
In every flag that waves,
With every word voiced,
With every freedom we hold dear,
This is for you.
Thank You,
We miss you,
We remember you,
Always.
Those who chose bravery over timidity,
Who chose liberty over constraint,
Who stood for freedom,
Who knew the cost,
Who made that choice,
Who ultimately paid the price,
This is for you,
You are not forgotten.
You are remembered.
In every flag that waves,
With every word voiced,
With every freedom we hold dear,
This is for you.
Thank You,
We miss you,
We remember you,
Always.
A Moment Of Silence redux
Now those of you that actually know me, know that I'm not a pro-military person. But I do have a respect for those that do choose this way of life. Yes, it is a way of life. It takes someone of a special courage, an unbelievable strength of character and a love for their family, home and friends, to join the military. It takes someone who is afraid but won't and didn't let that stand in his or her way. It takes ultimate sacrifice, for those that laid it all on the line, because whether they lived or died, they're the ones who pay the price of freedom. I may never know all of you, but to you all I do say "thank you"! To the families and friends of these courageous individuals, my prayers are with you. To those who never came home... a moment of silence.
5/24/2006
COMPUTER WOMEN - WHICH TYPE ARE YOU?
Which Type Of Woman Do You Like?
a. HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER. !!!
b. WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do anything right, but you can't live without her.
c. EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.
d. SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!
e. INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access and hard to keep running .!!!
f. SERVER Woman:
Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
g. MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
h. CD-ROM Woman:
She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!
i. E-MAIL Woman:
Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
j. VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don't try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.
a. HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything you say and do, FOREVER. !!!
b. WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do anything right, but you can't live without her.
c. EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.
d. SCREENSAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!
e. INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access and hard to keep running .!!!
f. SERVER Woman:
Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
g. MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
h. CD-ROM Woman:
She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!
i. E-MAIL Woman:
Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
j. VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don't try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.
5/23/2006
EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH AND JUST TRYING TO KEEP EVERYONE INFORMED NOW THAT THE DA VINCI CODE IS COMING
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands.
2. He had wine with His meals.
3. He used olive oil.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature.
2. He ate a lot of fish.
3. He talked about the Great Spirit.
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.
LIFE IS TOUGH. IT'S TOUGHER WHEN YOU'RE STUPID
How do these people survive?
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer ... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer ... Dispatcher: Rush him in to emergency
5/18/2006
Review of Angels & Demons, Special Illustrated Edition
How to review a book that has such a tremendous followup? I know some of you have heard of a little book called the Da Vinci Code right? Well I haven't read it yet, but it is on my to do list. So as I am oft to do, I went back and read a less popular book before going out and reading a "Major worldwide bestseller". Now the ironic thing is that I finished a book called Thieves of Heaven, which takes place in Vatican City (with A LOT of information) to read another book that takes place in...? You you guesed it. The Vatican. This is one of those few occasions where another fiction book sets up a lot of history, so that when you read another fiction book, you have a base knowledge of it. So...let's get on with it...I will say one of the fun things about Angels & Demons, is simply how much the author has going on at the same time. He juggles the story very well without getting the reader lost. He is also able to keep all the characters uniqe and distinct from each other. He heeps the story moving very well, while adding flashbacks to punctuate and explain events.
Sadly the only true flaw in this book, for me at least, is the simple fact that I didn't care for any of his characters. No emotional attachment, nothing. Kind of like watching a Keanu Reeves movie...you know a lot of flash, no substance. So if you want a decent story with some great plot twists, than read it...you might like it more than I did.
5/14/2006
Review of My Point...And I Do Have One
Very rarely, does one comedians humor come across in the written form, as well as Ellen's does. While reading her book, it truly felt like she was over my shoulder, and that was a little creepy. Her, what almost seems like irrational thought pattern, flows so well, it's like she takes you on a scenic drive and before you know it, you're lost, but you got where you were going. Doesn't make much sense? If you read this book, it will. It's a very fun and enjoyable read. Well that's it for now...until next time...I remain me, and you remain you
5/11/2006
Review of The Thieves of Heaven
First, let's talk about a great book. For a first novel, and a whim buy, I didn't expect much. You know, like trying a new restaturant. It could be great, just ok or suck. Well this book is, for lack of a better synonym, great! The characters are truly believable, likable, horrific and all mesmerizing. The storytelling superb and the pacing is perfect for the tone and feel for this book.This book would be an excellent addition to anyones library, and I am greatly looking forward to his second book. I think...strike that, I know I have a new author whose work will be read and re-read often. I aim to follow all his work, although anything following this book, will have some pretty big shoes to fill, but after the caliber of this one book, I have no doubt in my mind, that those shoes will be filled, and even surpassed.
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