THE SECRET FLIRT

It's true.  It's there.  Making come hither motions.  And you don't realize it at all.  You're walking in the mall.  And there it is.  Working up all that black voodoo that it do so well.  Don't you know it's true.  Just like the sky is blue.  And that dog that can talk is named Scooby-Doo.

Did you know that?  That we all have a secret...flirt that is.  Now you all expect me to tell you what it is don't you?  My goodness.  I can't give you the answer, that would be cheating.  But hey in school, I was all for getting the answer given to me.  That meant I could spend more time figuring out ways I could drop my pencil so I could look up that skirt the girl behind me was wearing...but alas I digress.

Now some of you know about the scret flirt.  Some of you even use it.  I'm talking about the dairy air.  The tush.  The bottom.  The thing we sit on...no not chairs.  I really wish that smart alec who keeps taunting me would just shut up.  Oops I mean I really wish that smart alec would please be quiet. 

grumble grumble stupid polite police grumble grumble just leave me alone grumble grumble.

Butt it's true.  It's talking and flirting with the whole world 24/7...that is if you never slept at all, and did nothing but walk...but you get my meaning.

Now that's an idea...just imagine how good your legs would look if you walked 24/7.  talk about calfs and thigh muscles to die for.  And just imagine what great shape you would be in...of course it would make using the bathroom quite a duty.  HEH HEH HEH HEH, I said duty.  Sorry, veering off topic again.  My train of thought keeps changing tracks...just like those darn moose in my ice cream.

Everywhere you go, there it is.  Teasing and taunting.  And it does this to everyone.  It's not picky.  It doesn't discriminate.  Man, woman or animal, it just flirts so needlessly.  The butt does not have fear of rejection.  It's like a drive by shooter.  It doesn't care if it hit's the target, as long as it gets close and lets the world know it was there.  Sadly most of the time we don't even realize it is doing that.

Bad butt.  Bad Butt.

So for informative advice for the day, before you leave your home...have a firm talk with your backside.  Tell it to behave.  Tell it there's a right time and a wrong time to flirt.  For example:

the fanny should not be flirting when you're wearing your superman lounge pants and aquaman t-shirt to run in the store for some milk and eggs, but when you wearing your favorite jeans with a flattering top.

the posterior should not be all come hither when you're out with your significant other.  Because this leads to getting looks and nods, which you then have to try to explain away when your significant other notices...and they always do.  Also, you ever notice that when that happens, no matter what you say, it's always the wrong thing to say.

So again the advice

Talk the the gluteus maximus sternly.

Make sure the bum knows AND understands the ground rules.

So there you go...more helpful advice from the man from "ROCK"ehsa

P.S.  The man who typed all that has no clue what he is talking about, trust me I know.  I'm his, as he called me, "secret flirt" and just wait till we hit the mall this weekend.  He's going to have more Bea Arthur types smiling at him like he was prune juice than you can shake a walker at.  That'll teach him to talk to me like that.