THE WEEK I LOST MY LAUGH part 4

Current mood: calm

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on."
Bob Newhart

THE WEEK I LOST MY LAUGH part 1
THE WEEK I LOST MY LAUGH part 2
THE WEEK I LOST MY LAUGH part 3


So now it's Tuesday morning, and I'm at my mother's house. I woke up on time and arrived before 9 A.M. I didn't want to be "late" you know. Well she's still getting ready and we finally head out the door around 9:30. We do the usual chit chat as I drive to the funeral home. I'm in no hurry. I planned it so we wouldn't have to rush. After the day before, I didn't want to be walking in at the last minute, AGAIN. I realize that it's getting quite toasty outside. I drive past a bank and the temperature says 85 degrees. Great. This is the perfect kind of day to wear dark colors. We roll in to our destination. 10 A.M. On the dot. Absolutely perfect. This means I may have a few minutes to speak with my godfather's family. Only two little problems.

First problem:

As I start to look around for the funeral home, my mother's cell phone rings. It's one of my aunt's asking if we could come and pick her up. My mother says yes, and promptly hangs up.

Second problem:

There's no funeral home here.

Strip mall? Check. Grocery store? Affirmative. Check Cashing place? That's a big 10/4. Funeral home? No sir, that particular establishment is AWOL.

We discuss the directions, and we both agree that we were told the same thing. OK, so it's not operator error. My mother calls my aunt back and asks her what the directions were. Her information collated with ours. So my mother tells my aunt that we're on our way to pick her up, and maybe between the 3 of us we can figure out what's going on.

My mother asks me if we will have enough time.

I look at my mother and I tell her maybe. That on a good day, I can make round trip drive in 45 minutes. But since you already told her we are on our way, I don't have much choice.

So I proceed back towards Waukesha from the North side of Milwaukee.

This was NOT a good day.

It took us 1 hour and 15 minutes.

During the trip BACK to Milwaukee, I ask them if they can call anybody to find out precisely where we are supposed to go.

They say no.

NO!?!?

It obviously never occurred to either of them to get information, like cell phone numbers, "just in case." I'm starting to get livid, and suddenly I erupt with laughter, and I can't stop. My mother and aunt are getting angry with me because I shouldn't be laughing on the way to a funeral home. The irony of this situation is that we don't even know where the funeral home or the cemetery is, they can't call anybody to ask where it is and they are getting upset with me for laughing. So the giggle loop increases ten fold.

So we arrive back at the original intersection, where the funeral home is supposed to be, and suddenly I get a brain storm.

I start to drive east. 10 blocks east to be precise.

Without warning, my mother and aunt are telling me to stop. That we were told it was at that intersection, and we should wait there. I continue driving and out of the blue, there is a procession of cars immediately to my left. I see the funeral home up ahead. I turn around in their parking lot and break a few laws. All this in an attempt to catch up to the procession.

Needless to say my mother and aunt are just getting more and more irate, because I'm not listening to them. They haven't even noticed that we just turned around in the funeral home's parking lot, or the big line of cars that are about 2-3 blocks ahead of us. I guess I should tell you all that I am still laughing at this point in time.

I finally catch up to the last car, slow down and just point out the windshield.

My mother and aunt look, and silence follows.

Except for my chuckling, which is finally tapering off.

So, thanks to blind luck, a late start, many mourners and my gut instinct, we got there just in time...AGAIN.

It was a very moving service. Tears were shed. A mariachi band played (I shit you not). The men of the family were having their fermented beverages. Everybody was sweating like a priest at a boy scout jamboree. The temperature hit 97 degrees. 80 percent of the people there were wearing black (I personally did not know that shirts with the words "roca wear" or "Carolina panthers" was appropriate funeral clothing, but what do I know. I mean the last time I paid attention to fashion, spandex, cut t-shirts and aqua net was still popular).

So there we all stood. Some people were telling stories, others were taking/giving comfort and support and my mother was introducing me to the people who she missed the day before. WOOF WOOF. I wonder if I'm AKC approved.

All I wanted to do, was get a chance to talk to his family and ask them what kind of person he was. This was not to be. Not on this day.

It's now 2 P.M. We have been standing outside since roughly 11:40 or so. I ask the person closest to me, what's going to happen now. He tells me that we are all getting together at the church, from the day before. I say OK, sounds like a plan. I tell my mother this bit of news. She tells me that she already knew that.

Well, not like it would be important to the person driving your car to know where we are headed or what we are doing, but again, what do I know? As I'm counting under my breath to cool down (I was up to about 32-33) everybody started walking to their respective vehicles. I herd my passengers to our automobile. We were one the last cars parked and since mother and aunt are behind me a few yards, I decided to have a quick cigarette.

Apparently this was one of my worst offenses today, because they both gawked at me like I just pissed on the Virgin Mary. I simply said "Well, at least I'm not drinking and driving like half of the guys up there."

Again, silence followed.

So since I knew where the church was, and how to get there, I started driving. I mentioned we needed gas and promptly found a fueling station. I'm still so incredibly pissed at these 2 women. How dare they judge me. How dare they think I was being disrespectful. I didn't know 99% of these people. They did. They could very easily gotten any kind of information they needed, if they just asked. I'm just seething.

Then by the grace of god and good fortune, a wee little lady starts talking to me. I was keeping an eye on her, because she was kind of running around the gas pumps. Luckily no cars pulled in. A little giggle, an innocent question and a gap toothed grin, and suddenly...no more anger. I was at peace again.

END OF PART 4

Currently listening : The Return of Bruno By Bruce Willis Release date: 18 March, 1997