THE WEEK I LOST MY LAUGH part 1

Current mood: sad

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
"So many tangles in life are ultimately hopeless that we have no appropriate sword other than laughter."
Gordon W. Allport


It's been a rough week for yours truly, my friends and cohorts. I lost a godfather I barely knew, wept with family members I didn't know I had, and I have been afraid to laugh at the irony of it all.

For so long, before my wife, I thought I was alone in my world. I believed that there was no one that I could turn to, when life decided that I was a urinal and decided to do that thing you do in a urinal. I spent so many days and nights wishing and hoping that I could turn to someone that actually cared about what happened to me. AND I find out that there were, albeit 20 years to late. As usual I'm getting a wee bit ahead of myself, so let me start from the beginning.

This past Saturday, my mom calls me (way too early in the day for a Saturday) and the first thing she says to me is "Manuel (which she calls me because she hates my first name), your godfather died."

I had been awake for a little bit but was cuddling with my wife and, needless to say, I was in a way different mindset.

I said "whaa...huh say that again."

"You're godfather died."

So I did what I usually do when my mom calls at the worst moments possible...I lied.

"Huh...hey mother, give me a moment, I just woke up, give me a few minutes and I'll call you back, OK?"

"OK hijo (which means son), I'll be here."

So I share, with my wife, this conversation walk to the bathroom, and I shower and shave. Immediately afterwords my wife does the same, and in 45 minutes we're done and on our way to my mothers house. Sorry, I guess (in my opinion) if you are talking about the loss of life, one should not do it over the phone

Well, APPARENTLY, we took way too long because when I got to mothers house, she was already gone.

We did some grocery shopping and dropped it off at home. Afterwards we went back to mothers house, still not there, so I left a note on her door.

My wife and I came home. We did what to people in love, have very little time, and who miss each other a lot, do. Afterwards we fell asleep.

The phone rang.

I ignored it. I was enjoying having my wife in my arms and holding her against me too much, to bother with a phone call.

An hour later the phone rings again, this time she wakes up and answers. It's mother.

We get dressed. We head over to her house, again.

Mother tells me again that my godfather has passed away.

I look at her...and I ask "I have a godfather?"

She says "I told you a long time ago, when you were living in Milwaukee. I told you that your godfathers son was killed, and that you should go see them."

So I racked my waste of grey matter trying to revisit said conversation. I than looked at her and said, "No you didn't, the only person you told me that was killed, was my cousin's son."

Mother said "That's your godfather. But I know you were to busy to see them." In a very sarcastic voice.

Now I know that I have been a jerk many times in my life. I know that I have ignored many people in my family, but had I been told that my godfather (who I didn't know I had) lost his youngest son (in a murder nonetheless) I WOULD have taken the time.

"I know I told you he was your godfather!"

"Umm, sorry mother but you didn't."

Because by that point in my life, I would have loved the idea that someone out there, would actually have cared about me and wanted to know me. I was at such a low point, I started boozing up...BADLY. You know, feeling numb is better than feeling anything at all. That is where I was and that is where I stayed for many many years...before Season.

"Well he died and I think his service will be on Monday. But I will call and tell you when it is tomorrow."

END OF PART 1

Currently listening : No Respect By Vain Release date: 20 December, 2004