I DON'T KNOW

Current mood: scared

I'm scared and hurt.

That's what I'm feeling right now.

Why scared? My wife got some news today that scares me. She has to talk to her doctor to find the specifics, but no matter what, the news affects our future considerably. I didn't think that it would really matter, but it seems she thinks I am so shallow that it would have. So now I'm scared. I thought our future was very stable. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe I'm just being over dramatic. I don't know. Right now that's the scariest thing.

Why hurt? Because she thinks if we got this news earlier, that it would have changed things. It wouldn't have. I've told her this so many times, but last night she actually said if we knew this 15 months ago, things would have been different.

I'm scared.

I'm hurt.

And sadly the only place I can talk about it is here. It's a pretty shitty knowing I have everything going in a positive direction and 16 hours later, the only certain thing is that I'm breathing. That everything else is up for grabs.

Screw it, I'm going to bed.

Currently listening: Enuff Z'Nuff By Enuff Z'Nuff Release date: 07 August, 1989