CONFUSED

Current mood: confused


I don't know what to think. I'm at a loss. As you all know, I'm a wrestling fan and have been one for over 30 years. Another one of my favorite wrestlers is no longer with us.

Passionate.

Intense.

Driven.

Respected.

These are words that are used to describe him.

He and his family are no longer with us. I was shocked to hear this. I'm still in shock. My wife told me the news when she came to have lunch with me at work. I instantly became numb. I was afraid to admit that the first thing I thought was the worst. Than I started to come up with different scenarios. I couldn't deal with it anymore. So in my head I started writing. Working on my story about superheroes. Working on my articles on CD's and books, and how I was going to review them. I couldn't form complete thoughts. Very much the way this entry is going to read. I didn't know what to think. I still don't know what to think.

The authorities are calling it a double homicide suicide.

The worst thought that came into my head might be true after all.

Now what do I do?

Now what do I think?

Do I forget the last 10 plus years of being entertained and awed by this man?

Passionate.

Intense.

Driven.

Respected.

These are words that are used to describe him.

Do I let the last few days of his life dictate what I think of him?

What do I do?

I know there are going to be a lot of people who will not understand these conflicting thoughts. And that's ok. They aren't me, and don't think or react the way I do. But I don't understand.

Passionate.

Intense.

Driven.

Respected.

These are words that are used to describe him.

What words will they use now?

Should I use them too?

I don't understand.

I'm losing my heroes, one by one.

I'm losing my idols.

What should I do?

I have been sitting here for almost 2 hours. I have written and rewritten this close to 6 times. Still I have no better understanding.

What do I do?