SILENCE...THE WORST SIN

I'm wrong a lot. I accept that. It's the nature of being the human animals that we are. There are levels and degrees in all the things we do, that drive and steer us in the directions that we eventually travel. And the worst way to travel that road is in silence. Silence destroys relationships and people. Silence is the worst sin. It is worse than lying because even when lying there is some form of communication, although it is misinformation, it is still a passing of ideas between two or more people. Don't get me wrong, they're still both wrong, but silence is worse. There are no thoughts expressed. No feelings shared. No truths are being told. There is nothing at all. The reason that this sin perpetuates is because it takes two or more people that continue to feed it. When one person stops talking, so does the other. When that happens, it becomes easier and easier to not say anything. Soon nothing is said at all. Silence has grown into a completely different beast. It becomes a chasm. A great emptiness, that now has a life of it's own, and it's stifiling. It's a terrible cancer to any life. I know this because I have lived through it more times than I really care to remember, but I do. And I'm scared it's starting again. My life has been a long string of silence. I've accepted that. I've perpetuated it. I thought that part of my life was over when I met Season. We would spend seconds, minutes, hours and days talking. We couldn't stop talking. We couldn't stop communicating. Whether it was verbal or physical, we shared everything. Than...we stopped. I don't know when it happened. I just know it did. We still have some moments, but the silence is still king. The silence still rules. Season has grown up in a world where silence was and is the rule of thumb. In the beginning, there was no silence at all. All there was us. All there was communication. All there was pure joy, pure love and pure hope. Now as we fast forward to the present, it's not like that anymore. Silence. Goddamn fuckin silence. It's like feeling the hands of fate closing around your throat, squeezing until you can't breathe anymore. Choking you with a steel grip until you hope and pray that it just stops. But it doesn't. You look up and see beautiful eyes staring down at you. And you are grateful for the few minutes that you share together. And if God willing you get another day with the woman who fills your heart and soul with the simple idea of love and joy. It's all true. I love Season. I am a nonexistant entity without her. I am nothing. But she fills me, enriches me and she fill's me with hope. Well you know what...fuck it...I'm done. I'm crashing now. I'm gonna get some sleep. Good frikken night.

Jose