THIS WAS GONNA BE A COMMENT ON A BLOG I READ, BUT I FELT IT WOULD BE BETTER SAID HERE

I read blogs on an almost daily basis. Sometimes I think that some of the things said are watered down truths or straight up lies. But sometimes, you find one that seems to touch and reach that place inside you where you keep your fears, doubts, and broken dreams hidden. That somehow, someway, someone knows too. You hope that you can meet someone and they will give you the secrets to happiness. That they will wave their magic wand and life is perfect. But it doesn't happen. Instead you keep getting a double dose of bile encrusted reality, that drags you kicking and screaming back to the place you don't want to be at. The place where everyday you hope "It'll get better if I can make it through one more day". Only to find out it's not better. Only to realize "same damn shit again". Well 32 years 4 months and 5 days later, I've come to realize I'm nothing special. Just a broken down child who finally and through some luck found a girl who gives him 2 things he has been lacking in his life. She has given me hope. A hope for a future. A hope for a happiness. A hope for love. She has given me a hope for love. Through that hope for love has also given me the strength to say, "I'm not strong enough today, help me please." She doesn't try to "fix" anything, but stands there holding my hand. Right by my side. Now is everything perfect? No. But that's OK. But I for the first time in many, many, many years, I have hope. It seems I have veered away from my original subject. Sorry. Well back to where I originally started, I read this blog and although I may not know all her pains, I do know about the empty pit of darkness that travels at great length to swallow every tear and stifle every smile. Where joy is always tempered with missed opportunities, which in turn strips away the shine, dulls the radiance and leaves you cold and empty. Where every evanescent smile gives way for surrender. Where every passing thought, you do little more than ingurgitate a scintilla of felicity, and hope it's enough for today, for this hour, minute or second. Where you do little more than grasp on every wisp of hope only to feel it fade away like a dream. Now I know that these blogs that we write on everyday can't ameliorate our own conditions, but it does help to know that you are not alone with these thoughts or feelings. That there are others who feel the same things that we do. That in some cases there are virtual shoulders to lean on, along with real ones. So I sit here with nothing to offer other than a fleeting indication of hope. For today, I hope it's enough. If you read this let me know if you want to be linked, because it would be my pleasure to add you.

I remain just

Jose