Ever since I found about a way I can publish a book online that's where my focus has been for the last month. I've been toiling away at this project for many years, and now that I know that it can be a very real possibility, there hasn't been many moments that I haven't spent working on it. Here's an excerpt of the first draft.
CHAPTER 1 IT'S NOT THE BEGINNING...OR THE END
THE TRUE CONFESSIONS OF SOMEONE WHO ISN'T
It seems as if I have sat in front of this computer so many different times in the past, to do the same thing I am doing now. Who ever thought writing about yourself in a clear, cohesive form would ever be so difficult. Add that to the fact that I am not one of those blessed with linear thinking; well that makes writing ones life story pretty much like trying to suck your own dick when all you have to show for the effort is a 3 inch penis and a 46 inch waist...well you get the picture. So instead, I decided to just write away and tell you about myself as I go along. No, this will not be a tale that starts at my childhood and ends in the place where I am at this precise moment. Instead I'll be telling you where I am now, and I'll be going backward and forward from there. Sound simple? Let's pray to whichever diety or divine mythology you believe in, that it is.
STARTING AT THE PRESENT
At this precise moment in the ever flowing river of time, I'm 35 years old. I'm married. And, even though my wife might beg to differ, I'm about as happy as one man can be. I work at a job that I despise with every fiber laxative of my being. I hate. I loathe. I seethe. But, I've had worse, so I'm not really and I can't truly complain...that much. I've been with my wife officially for over a year, but to me she was always my wife. When we were just friends talking on the computer, stealing moments that we couldn't have in the real world, I never thought of being with anyone else than her. Everybody else would have been settling. It's so ironic that in my tumultous existence I can look back at those days and I can still tell you about most of the thing we talked about. Yet, I couldn't tell you what I talked about with the girl I was seeing, and then, for a little while after that, lived with.
Even in the early days of our fledgling (and at the time, impossible) relationship, I was always most comfortable with her. Her being Season, that is. When we met I was seeing a friend of hers. I was instantly smitten by this wonderful, smart, passionate and honest woman. We talked long after everybody else left.
I met a girl online and she introduced Season and I. Well, I actually I met 2 girls online, but I'll get there.
IT ALL STARTED WITH THE WWW
It started with a bottle of rum (very cheap rum), a two liter of Diet Coke, a full pack of Pall Mall Light 100's and a computer. I was online. I was a cyber roamer. A chat rom junkie. I was the most honest liar you could ever meet. I was that guy who told you not to believe a single word I say because it's all bullshit, and then proceeded to tell you whatever it was that you wanted to hear. You know, just like most of us men at the bar. I was pretty much in your face about that. In the end I was all bullshit. But it was honest bullshit.
WELL ACTUALLY IT STARTED JUST A LITTLE BEFORE THAT
I was introduced to the internet back at the ripe old age of 21. I was living with a roommate, who had just bought a PC. He then started doing something that blew me away. He started talking to someone, and they talked back!
I was all "WHAT THE FUCK!!!" You know, being such a man of the world that I was. He then basically gave me my first taste of crack (the first one's always free as they are oft to say). I was hooked like a large mouth bass.
THE CONFESSIONS OF AN A(OL)DDICT
I spent every moment I wasn't at work on AOL. It ws better than booze (and later on pot). I was meeting "hot babes" from all over the country. I mean how excellent is that? Unfortunately, I learned four very imprtant lessons during that time.
1. Nothing is free.
I say I learned these lessons the hard way. I racked up a very large AOL bill. At the time AOL charged by the hour, and those hours add up very fast. It took me almost two years to pay off that bill.
2. People aren't always what they seem and most chatters are not honest
Sure you can say you're something, but as I learned very quickly, screen names are easy to come by and when you are going by what other people say they are, there's a good chance they aren't being honest. Pictures can be faked, profiles made up and just because they say they are a gender/age...well you see where this going.
3. I was naive and stupid, straight to the point I was the same online that I was in real life. Back then I was a fool, ready to believe and trust everything anyone said.
Very valuable lessons I might add...sadly like most baseballs, I learned these lessons only when the baseball bat was swung upside my everloving noggin, and it was going, going, gone.
4. The telephone is not a toy.
When you spend hours at a time talking to someone out of state, make sure you know that long distance bills add up, because unlike AOL that charged by the hour, the phone company charged by the minute.
I know this is where many of my problems started, but I can't really look back and say that it was the downfall of my civilization. I was being introduced to a much larger world. A world where there were people just as screwed up as me. There were also a few beacons of light that helped me through some very desperate times
