MORE CONFESSIONS

In Oberlin, Ohio, and more specifically at Oberlin College, I learned a few things about myself.

But to get to that I have to let you in on a little secret.

I have never been completely honest about where and when I started doing many of the self destructive activities that I have partaken in. On this trip I learned about pot. I learned that I liked it a lot. Of course I had to deny it to everyone I have ever known, because I was the person who went around saying "You see how I am, can you really picture me on anything?"

So that started a closet addiction that went on until I got my OWI (operating while intoxicated) in February of 2005. I haven't touched it since but I still get the urge every now and then. Although since that day I have stayed away from the wacky tabacky. I guess I learned that I have too much to lose to continue doing that.

In Oberlin I did pot for the first time and, like I said before, I liked it, A LOT!

I got high and I got laid.

My roomate, had an exgirlfriend that was going to Oberlin, and on our way back from Wilmington, he decided that he needed some closure.

She had broken up with him and never told him why...so he decided that this would be a good time to find out why.

My roomate went to talk with his ex and I was "stuck" in the dorm room with the ex's roomate and a couple of her friends. She asked me if I smoke, and of course being the smooth mother fucker that I am, I said "Well, yeah! Who doesn't?"

So she pulled out some weed, and we all started smoking it. After about an hour, the other girls leave...except for "pot girl."

She proceeds to tell me that smoking gets her all horny.

Yup one plus one was making the decision I made about Christine, get buried.

This is also the moment that I learned that I would rather escape into a chemical paradise than deal with reality. I liked this too. It meant I now knew how to avoid all my problems.

This would also be a self delusional lie that would come back to haunt me, slap me in the ass and call me Sally time after time.

Afterwards, I spent the next couple of days, wandering around the little town. I saw the museum, which was very lovely. I spent a lot of time in this comic book shop. Wasted an entire day sitting in the park watching people. Which would turn into one of my favorite past times.

I began to realize two things.

One, I stuck out like a cold nipple in the middle of winter (who knew that a t-shirt and blue jean as an ensamble would make me look like no body else around me).

Two, most of the people I talked to didn't have a single original thought.

"Pot girl" asked me to join her at this "sharing of ideas" that she and a few of her friends had every week. They all sat around talking about the society, political issues and topics and how they are so wrong and what should be done to fix them. Yet everything they were saying was just a regurgitation of someone else's words.

I have always tried to be a free thinker, so I started sharing my views and ideas. They looked at me like I was insane.

So I went into my views in greater detail, and they were still looking at me like I was donkey wearing lingerie. They said I had no idea how the world worked, and that my ideas were simplified into black and white.

I started thinking "Uh..what the hell?"

Then my mouth reiterated that same sentiment. I looked at them and said, "What the hell? For your information, I have not been hiding in college coming up with theories on life, I'm out there every day living it. I see and experience the bullshit and the paradise first hand. I'm out there living and surviving life while you sit here in the security blanket of higher learning, and I'm out there looking at life straight in the eye, giving it the finger, pissing on it and struggling to make it through each and every day. I don't have a scholarship or parents funding my endeavors. I'm working two jobs and making it. I experience every waking moment while you sit here and cower about the very reality of knowing that in a few short years, you'll be where I am. So if you think I'm making my opinions without truly knowing what I am talking about, let's switch places. You pull seventeen hour shifts five times a week and two eight hour shifts during your so called days off. My god are you all so stupid, that you think that sitting in this safe haven and talking about life and the world instead of actually doing and living in it makes you better? All I can see is a bunch of posers pretending and fooling yourselves into believing this tripe that you are spewing. I am so outta here. Oh by the way...FUCK YOU ALL!!!"

I then collected my belongings and went back to the dorm room, where I sat there seething until "pot girl" came back. I would have mentioned her name, but for the love that is all great and holy, I can't remember it at all. She said that she had agreed with everything I had said at the "get together" and she wished that more people would be that blunt with the truth. She started rubbing my shoulders, and asked if I wanted to smoke again. I said "Sure, why not." and we repeated the previous nights escapades.

A few hours later my roomate and his ex came back. Pot girl and I were still in bed, and this started a war.

To this day I have no idea why.

While my roomate and his ex were still reading us the riot act, I asked pot girl if she wanted to go out for a drink or two. She told me that she spent the last of her money on the reefer, and that she was broke. I said "That's OK, the townie bar was having a "Penny, nickel and more" night."