HELLO AND I'LL BE BACK ON HERE AGAIN...VERY SOON

Well well well, I stil have people who read this...good for us...well I'm sorta back for a second today and very very soon I'll be here to let you all know what I've been doing since I have been net'less for almost 2 months....for now this will be the end, but I'll be be back to do my halloween updates...a man's gotta have hobbies and masturbation tho it is fun, does not count as a hobby.
Jose

HELLO AND GOODBYE...SORTA

Hello all you fiends and fiendettes, I have some very cool personal news. I was at Shopko last week, and we walked down the bathroom frillies aisle. Now most men don't even know this aisle exists. I was one of them, but I was looking for something and by Odin's good eye, I had to have it. Not to buy you silly dilly, just to use. I found a scale, not for cars or cows, but for people. So low and high I searched. In the automotive section, in ladies lingerie (now I didn't actually hope to find it there, I just wanted to be around the lace and satin....I"M KIDDING!!!!!!!!) and than the toy section. Nope didn't find the scale there at all...but I did find a very cool singing deer head (that Season refuses to let me purchase:( ). So Season finally askes me "What the hell ARE you looking for?", now those may have not been her exact words, but damnit it's funnier this way. So I tell her I need to see a scale, so she starts singing "DO RE MI FA SO LA TI DO", and than starts giggling. I was unamused. She than takes me by the hand, and walks me down this aisle. Did you know that toilet seat covers come in wide array of colors? Or that you can buy porcelain toothbrush holders that can match a plastic garbage can, and a plastic soapdish? Also did you know that there IS a difference between a shower curtain AND a shower liner? Well I do now. Because that was where the scale was, in the bathroom frillie aisle. So Yup, I grabbed a scale ( a cheap one just in case it broke and I actually had to buy it). I was hoping for it to lie to me. Last time I jumped on a scale, I was 356 lbs. Yes I was officially no longer just fluffy, I was damn near chunky monkey. So I stood on the scale. It went around and around and than it slowed down and stopped. It didn't keep going like an airplane propeller. It actually stoopped. It kept hopping from 219 lbs to 227 lbs. So I avereaged it out. I'm as close to 224 as I can be right now. I'm actually aiming for 200 lbs, and I'll be as happy as a prostitute and a gyno convention. Oh and good bye for a little bit, sorta. We're gonna be getting dial up so the updates will be a little more spread out for a little bit. As in every other or so day. Just to let y'all know. Ok Like some belly buttons, I'm outtie.
Jose

ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I'VE READ IN A LONG TIME

http://www.deadpan.net/housewife/2005/08/02/may-the-force-be-with-you/
Good lord, and I thought I was a SW junkie...LOL
Jose

A RECENT NOTE LEFT FOR ME

I love you. I can hardly wait for work to be over tonight so I can see you. I miss your smile when you're not here, but when I close my eyes I can see it. And then I smile.
wow, I'm all mushy in notes. weird
Love you
your wife

I love you too,
Jose

INTRODUCING SEASON

LOL...Season will on occasion be joining me on here. To add clarity and sometimes a whole lot of humor. And I guess there might even be an occasion when she will fly solo to tell you stories, anecdotes and yes even the embarrising tale once in a while. So say "HI" to her. Cuz if you don't...I'll have to put the pic of my thonged ass on here....than you'll be sorry!!!!!
jose

THE STORY OF THE NETHER GARMENTS or HOW MY UNDERWEAR SELECTION CHANGES OVER NIGHT

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on - bra... For some reason when I sat down today I had that damn song run thru my feeble brain, and since I didn't know the lyrics, I looked them up. So when it got to the line up there, I said hehehe "he said bra". Which made me remember that over the last month or so, Season and I have umm...expanded our nether region garments. It helps when the person you're with makes you feel special (no not the short bus kinda special, I mean c'mon here, I'm trying to be honest and romantic) that it also makes you feel beautiful/handsome. So needless to say we have started to let each other pick out lower coverings for each other. Me being the more shy and conservative have picked out some elegant yet tasteful garments for her. Now she on the other hand, well let me just tell you the whole story....

Over the weekend we stopped at K-Mart to shop because K-Mart still has some awesome deals. Well we were looking at the Led Zeppelin

and the Guns N Roses

lounge pants. I than remembered that I didn't do laundry...aka no clean bottom garbs, so I said I need to purchase some...thus giving me another laundry reprieve. So I was going to pick out my usual very conservative boxer briefs but alas Season would say "NAY, I forbid thee to PURCHASE SAID PRIVATE FINERY!!" Who knew she could talk like a Norse God? So anyway, she stands there like the statue of liberty holding up a package like it was her torch and her hand outstretched palm open saying is a thunderous tone "WRECTHED MAN, I NEED GOLD TO BRIBE THE KEEPERS OF THIS TRADING POST, SO THAT I MAY LEAVE HERE WITH MY NEW FOUND TREASURE!!!!!" There was a really scary gleam in her eye. So I gave her my wallet and what I can only describe as the most horrifying sound I ever heard she made this gutteral scream, (which I later found out was her hunt/kil victory scream). So when we got home, I was forced upstairs by sword point (where and when she got a sword is still a mystery to me) as she forced me to disrobe. Making lewd and suggestive comments the whole time. I was scared, but I love her so I did was I was told. Than she took her booty (you know what she got at the store...perverts) and tore open the package like Golem tearing into a fish, and threw an item at me. I caught it and she in a Xena "AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAI" scream said put them on. Much to my horror and dismay she had bought man thongs. She wanted me to put on a thong. I gulped in the sheer horror of being so, dare I say the word?, exposed. But my love for her is great, that and the fact that she also had a crossbow pointed at me (where the hell she keeps her armory is still a mystery to me). So I did. Well they weren't that bad, but the evil glimmer in her eye....

OW!! OW!! STOP HITTING ME!! DAMNIT THAT HURTS!! NO BITING NOOOO BIIIITING!! HEY OW OW OW DON'T PULL ON THAT!! STOP PULLING MY HAIR!!!!!!!!

Ok, Season here to set the story straight. I can't believe the pack of lies he's spouting. I THOUGHT this was called the "Confessional" and would then have truth, but obviously I was grievously mistaken. "Oh lie to me Pinicchio, lie to me!!!"

So, yes, I too hate doing laundry, so I was going to purchase some new underwear and I truly was in need of new bras. Now, normally I get panties and bras similar to these. Hey, they're underwear, I wasn't seeing anyone, so what difference did it make? They were comfortable dammit! Well, obviously, they weren't sexy enough for him. So, I told him, "fine, go ahead, pick something out." I just gave him a few groundrules...nothing pink, no jewelry crap on it, no cutesy sayings (I'm too old for that shit thank you very much). I think he wandered around in the intimate apparel section for at least an hour, stopping at the flimsiest, filmiest, and yes, sometimes trashiest stuff they had there. I just rolled my eyes and walked away. The worst part was the little old lady in the section giving me looks that screamed "TRAMP!!" And the mother with her 3 young children who looked at me with sympathy. She whispered, "oh, one of those huh?" I looked down and nodded. "I share your pain," she replied.

So, after much fondling of lace and netting, drooling the entire time, he chose a variety of colors of these bras and these...thongs! Oh my dear Lord, he's making me wear a thong. Worse yet, I'm paying for these things! Ok, I can deal, again, they're going to be under my clothing and I can always wear the old panties/bra when I go to the doctor right?!? But then....he heads over to a different section. Then I knew I was in trouble. Yep, the trashy section, the one with the matching sets. The ones with chains, the ones that look like the stuff white trash girls Madonna-wannabes in the '80s wore. And he picks out...this (gasps) only this picture doesn't have the leather laces on it, so yes...the reality is worse. Give me strength! The strings on the thongs don't go up my butt as badly as I thought, I'm used to them now. Plus, since it's over 90 degrees, less fabric is cooler, so I can handle it.

Now, in retaliation, I purchased these mesh trunks for him, which he likes because he says they breathe more than the standard cotton ones he normally gets. Plus, they make his butt look AWESOME!! *evil grin* A few weeks later, he came home from Wal*mart all upset because, since I was wearing thongs for him, he thought it would be nice to wear thongs for me. But, they only had string bikinis. Well, when we were out of town, we DID find some thongs for him, which he picked out by the way. He just is too embarrassed to buy them if a female cashier is working. So, that's my job. The first set of thongs are nice, but they don't fit him that comfortably (see, as a woman I'm worried about his comfort). The most recent set, again his idea thank you very much, are much more comfortable for him. Of course, the minute we walk in the door with the new underwear, he just has to go on the runway, humming "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts...", and struts around the apartment, posing and acting all come-hither.

"HONEY I GOT YOU A DOUBLE HOT FUDGE CHOCOLATE SUNDAE!!!!!"

Wow and good frikken lord, I never thought she would leave the keyboard. Truth told, Season and I did go shopping for intimate apparel, and we did pick out the things you have seen in the links. But we did it together. Not for any other reason than the way we see each other, and the way we want each other to feel. You see she makes me feel handsome, and she tells me that I make her feel beautiful, and when we are around each other, we make each other feel sexy. So we did the underwear thing, as a way of letting each other know how, we see each other. Yeah, it sometimes gets a bit embarrising, but were in this together. As a couple. as a partnership and a very soon to be newlyweds. This was always about love and trust. Yeah there are times when doubts and fears rear their ugly heads, but we work through them. There are times when we doubt the way we look, but we look into each others eyes, and we can see how we look at each other, and how that makes us feel. So I hope this little retelling and truth saying was both fun and enjoyable. But it really was just us having some fun with truths mixed in....until next time I remain

Jose...and she remains

Season

TOO BORED TO WRITE

La la la la la la la la la la. me me me me me me me me me me me. Nothing to say today. So I' thought to do nuffin but waste some time. Ok I'm done.

Jose

I GOT A WEDDING TO GO TO

and it's not mine...well not yet. My step brother is getting married next Saturday. Season and I are going. Mostly out of obligation on my part. I really don't want to, the only real plus, is I'm going to XF's house to fill out my application for the boys home. Season get's to meet both XF and PW (Police woman who also happens to be his fiance'). They have been great friends, although sometimes XF gets a little clingy. But if it helps us move down (with a job for me) than I'll deal with it. There's a 50/50% chance that i'll even be moving back into my old apartment. Which will be nice. It wasn't much, but it was a nice place for me. Also, that way I don't have to stay with the 'rents. And...well it would be our place. When I left I told myself the only way I'll go back is if it's with all my dreams next to me. Well I'm coming back with more than just my dreams, I'm coming back with my soul and with my (by than) wife. Ok talk to you soon.

jose

WELL WELL WELL...NEW UPDATES

Hello again all you crazy cats, I just got off the phone with XF (he's a friend from the old stomping grounds, who works at the boys home I used to work at)...and he said there's a pretty good chance I can get my old job back...in a different department. Yay me...and boo me. You see emotionally it was a taxing job. The money and OT (overtime) were good. But to the soul it was draining. But that was also before I had Season. I know that no job is ever easy. But I also know with her by my side, nothing is impossible. So I gotta call his boss tomorrow and hopefully all will go good. I'll let you know what happens.

MILLION DOLLAR BABY

OK ok, yes it won a lot of awards. Yes it made a lot of money. Yes it had a lot of hype. Well IT REALLY deserves them all. All I can really say is WOW!!!! Season said "It was awesome." Yeah It was. Ok just had to say that. See y'all later.
Jose

DEAR LIL ANGEL

Dear lil angel,
I know, I ain't been writing. I been keeping you in suspense as to what I'm going to say next. Well I'm here to talk you about a angels. I don't mean the ones that have wings and play harps.
I'm not talking the Nicholas Cage version from City of Angels. Nor am I talking about the baseball team. I'm talking about the ones that we see in our everyday lives. The ones who very honestly don't see in themselves the light and beauty the truly posess. I'm talking about the ones who let us down by making sure they kill that light inside them to become little, bitter and devoid of any goodness. The ones who turn into little monsters who have nothing but hate towards the people who were willing to listen to everything they said. Who understood all that they were going through, only to run those feelings of understanding and trust through, figuratively and literally, the proverbial pile of dog shit. The ones who run away from all their issues and than blames everything they have become on everybody but themselves. The ones who use sex as a tool to try and keep someone, only to be pissed and hurt when the "sex trap" doesn't work. Than blame the person and make it all their fault. I'm talking about the ones who won't say a damn word to your face but when you aren't there, they try and ruin the lives of the only people who still have respect for them. I'm talking about the ones who can talk shit about a race, and yet the person who still sees them as an angel is a part of that race. I'm talking about no one, because you simply stopped existing, the minute you tried fucking with my family.

Jose

STUPID PEOPLE...CAN YOU PLEASE SUCK SOMEWHERE ELSE

I know for a fact, stupid, ignorant and mean people suck. I mean the kind of suck that pulls the excrement straight from the bowels. Now I can respect a mean mother fucker, who's mean to your face. I can respect the stupid person who knows he's being stupid. I can even excuse the ignorant person because simply, they don't know any better. It's when the spineless bastards (or bitches...gotta be gender friendly) decide to be all bad ass, when you're not around, that really lights my fuse. Now when they do this and try to plot to get you fired, that's just a god damn waste, especially when other bosses here you conspiring. What makes this even funnier...your partner, just quit, so that leaves you alone in said agenda. But how well did you know your partner in crime?? Did you know your partner talked more smack about you than anyone else in the department? That many of your co-workers, don't really like you at all, but don't want to deal with the drama that you will and do bring to the table? You see, I did shorten the name of my lil waste of space, because it really needed to be more precise, and well maybe if you want to be that petty, well so can I.

But I won't.

That would mean that I would have to acknowledge your existence. Honestly, my life has to many important and wonderful things happening right now to want to do that, and trust me, I really don't want that at all. But as my life continues to prosper with my future wife and family, I realize all you are doing is making it easier by removing the things in my life that I simply don't want anymore. So as my existence continues, it does so with 2 less cancers than it had just a week ago. And you know, I'm happy with that. This subject matter is done.

Jose

I DON'T GET IT

Hey all sorry again. For the last 4 or so weeks I've had to work overtime, which means that the Confessional suffers, because taking the time to write takes a backseat to my life with Season. Well over the weekend Season and I had a chat, and I realized that I don't get it.

Get what??

Labels, I mean. I mean everything from Mexican-American and African-American to 10% and "Butch". Yes I've used labels before, but I'm trying (and being pretty successful by the way) of not using them. But the more I don't use them, I have come to realize that EVERYBODY else still does. Everyone is a category. You're either Black, White, Gay, Straight, Conservative or Liberal. You're either a Caucasian or an "other". When the hell did all this happen, and why is everyone adding more groups to this list? When did we stop realizing we are human beings? And when did we all become a sub-group to the human race? You see one thing I do understand, is there is one common thing that unites us all.

Hate.

Hate is the one bond that connects all members of the human race. Blacks hate whites and whites hate blacks and it goes on and on between all peoples. I mean there is even a "Hate Directory" on the net. WHY?? Anti men, anti semitic, anti white, anti black, anti Christian, anti gay, and anti every god damned thing. The worst part of this is that there are 133 pages, and 2 of them tell you what it is...so that leaves 131 pages. Of those 131 pages....130 of them are hate sites. 130 ARE FUCKING HATE PAGES!!! There is one single solitary page that has sites that are fighting hate. One single fucking page. I don't get it at all. This is the thing I'm talking about. i don't get it. When did we stop a human race? When did we stop being a people? For Christ sakes, when did we stop loving? This little revelation has done one thing for me that I didn't think I could do anymore. It has made me question this. Why don't we just end it all? Let the warmongers have their day in the sun, let loose the dogs of war aka nukes, and just let the human race die. Season just said cockroaches could do better. And I agree. We live to hate. The dawn of tomorrow seems a lot further away than I thought just an hour ago. I don't get it. I don't think I ever will. For once, I don't want to at all. I still look for hope. I still look for the silver lining. Hell, I still look forward to opening my eyes after a nights sleep. I keep hoping that there is a better tomorrow. There isn't. There will never be. I know this. But that doesn't keep me from hoping. It won't stop me from praying for it. I know tomorrow, I'll be waking up at 8 AM. I know when I open my eyes, I'll be wiping the sleep boogers away, but I also know that I'll also be wiping away dried tears. Not for me. But for all of us. Because I know that we can't stop hate. I just know, that I'll be the one who sheds the tears for all of the sins that we as a race commit. I may be the only one, but I am used to being alone. It's not a new feeling. But after seeing and reading and writing this...I really wish it was. So today...well I leave you, a broken hearted man. A single solitary man, who doesn't want to feel hate in his life, nor around him (especially now that I know what happiness is).

A man simply named Jose...a damn Mexican (a label) living in America (another label), and wondering what ever happened to the dream (a myth?)...or was it just a lie (a truth?)?

Confessional

WELL WELL WELL


Just checking in to say that nothing much is happened today. It was a pretty low key day with the usual lazy day/hate my job attitude. So sadly the confessional is closed today. Try again tomorrow...
Jose

OH THE HU-MAN-ITY...AN OPERA

Today at work, I had to pooh and I was just getting comfortable when someone knocked on the door. So as usual I replied "it's occupied". Well for some reason I had this revalation. I had to make a musical on the humerous ways that we men, justify our existance. And I thought of it as a rock opera. So yes in my head I started to write an opera for men. I mean picture this...

curtain rises, a sole man standing in the "loo", newspaper in hand getting ready to "follow standard imperial procedure".
A knock on the door..."are you almost done?"
the man looks to the audience and in a very melodic and somber tone starts to sing

"why can't I pooh in piece, why can't I sit and release
all I ask is for 10 minutes alone, why must I share my throne..."

cue the lights and all of a sudden there are 30 dancing girls all doing a burlesque/bump and grind/go go dancing routine.

as the man continues with "WHY CAN'T I POO IN PEICE"

next there are song and dance numbers with songs like

"Never use the word little" -it's not a little car, they're not my little friends and the super bowl is NOT a little game

"Beer IS a food group" -it fiils me with happy thoughts, it fills me like pork chops, if it wasn't for my meal of beer, you wouldn't be here

"Its not a problem (if it's only you that has a problem with it) -yeah that would be the chorus

some random song titles

"Sunday is sacred (cuz kick off is in 2 minutes)"
"Monday night is sacred too"
"It's beer night with the boys"
"The strip club is hallowed ground"
"please oh please say yes tonight"

and these are just working titles. Yes, when I get the lyrics worked out I will put them here.

and through all this time the 30 dancing girls are dancing around on stage...

yes that would so be an opera that all men would want to see, and all women would go..."MMM..HMMM!!!"

and no not in the good way.

I remain a man with way too much time on his hands named
Jose

I HAD A DREAM

I had a dream the other night, where I was having an argument with a priest, and I uttered 'by the holy hands of christ, you're an ididot.' Well in my dream the priest was shocked and abhorred by that statement. Well since than, that little sentence has made it into my everyday speech patterns...boy do I get funny looks.
Jose

THE WEIGHT OF SILENCE

hello hello hello, my cats and kittens. How the hell are y'all?? Sorry it's been a lil while since I've been on here, but I've been going through some emotional saga's. You see, I'm the happiest I've ever been. Period. I'm in love for the first time. Period. And, because of everything I've gone through, I'm have this nasty habit of pushing people away. You all know know the mantra..."They'll probably leave so why not make them leave" or however you wanna put it, but you all know what I'm saying. Well she aint leaving. I've never had anyone fight so hard to get through the defense mechanisms before. She fights, she waits, she forgives, she understands and she still loves me, even after all that. No matter what she still stands there by my side. Even if I withdraw into myself, she's standing there, to take me into her arms, look into my eyes and she says nothing. But the weight, passion, love and strength of her silence speak in ways that no words could ever elucidate. It's an amazing gift she has. To say nothing at all, yet convey all her feelings in just a look. I'm truly blessed. I'm truly a luck man. I'm a better man, now...
named
Jose

Confessional

I GOT A LOT TO SAY TODAY or GOING MULTIPLE UPDATE CRAZY pt2


SAD AND ROMANTIC

I know this couple, that are so perfect for each other, that when you mention one you also mention the other. It's like "Jack and Dianne", like "John and Yoko", like "Adam and Eve", like "Superman & Lois Lane" and like "Robin Hood & Maid Marion". Well when I first moved to Rivendale, he was working 2nd shift and she was working 1st shift. She was miserable. She was alone. And I didn't get it. I mean space "makes the heart grow fonder" right?

No it doesn't.

I was always jealous of the love and bond that they shared. If you ever met them, you would understand. They are the embodiment of true love and happiness. They are the exemplification of a great marriage. Plus, they are both the quintessence of two people in love.
Shortly after moving here, he went back to 1st shift and the apotheosis of happiness and joy was together again. And we all rejoiced because she was able to be blissful again. Well at work a lot of things have happened, and he's back to 2nd shift again. And she's back to that "F&S widow" status again. Her heartache is is apparent. Her smile doesn't carry the same luster it used to.

And I finally get it.

I finally understand how much it hurts to be apart from your heart. I finally understand the weight that seems to grow daily when your partner isn't there. I truly understand what it feels like to be incomplete. I know she reads this this lil waste of space on occasion, and I guess this is my way of telling her I understand what it is she is going through. Because I finally know what it is to truly be in love with someone. And I know what it means to be sperated from them, even though it's only for a little while, and how empty that feels.

Jose

I GOT A LOT TO SAY TODAY or GOING MULTIPLE UPDATE CRAZY pt1

THE SILLY

First things first...I made it through another 4th of July, with all appendages in tact. That my friends is a very good thing.

So I gotta tell you all about the cats and their momenst that lead to the loss of dignity, and for a feline that's almost worse than death. On Saturday as Season and I are laying in bed I happen to look over and wacth as 'lil Girl' saunters over to her favorite "going to jump to the window, and just soak in the night air" spot. Well since that particular eve, the weather had decided to become like the heart of Alexis Carrington and drop to almost subarctic degrees (ok it was in the 40's but when you sleep in the pajamas that God gave you, it's pretty frikken cold) Season decided to close the window just a little while before. So as 'lil Girl' is about to commit herself I watch and think to myself "Ok I know cats can see better in the dark and I KNOW she can see the window is closed" at that moment the super-feline-abilities (that only super feilnes have, of course) jumped into action...

she leaped...

she hit the window with a thunderous "WHACKKK!!!!"...

the window held...

hit the floor with a titanic "THUDD!!!"...

walked around with the "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!!!" dazed look...

Season asked "what the hell was that?" and I answered inbetween laughs "'lil Girl' just whacked into the window!!"...

Season looked over at the dazed and confused feline and ERUPTED into hysterical laughter...
kitty pride-0
kitty humiliation-1

so in the morning as we lay in bed and recount the poor 'lil Girl's' moment of shame, 'lil Girl' decides to jump on the bed...

walks along the edge of the mattress...

slides off the mattress...

laughter ensuess...

same "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED???" look in her eyes...

kitty pride-0
kitty humiliation-2

Sunday afternoon s we are getting dressed up (to get some burgers) for no reason at all, 'lil Girl' decides to follow us and goes to stand in the dirty laundry basket...

there is an empty card board box right there...

she goes to jump into said box..
.
from the edge of the basket...

said basket moves as she pushes off...

sending said kitty into a mad "FLOPPPPP!!!"...

right onto the floor...

laughter ensues...

kitty pride-0
kitty humiliation-3

yuppers, that was the weekend when kitty pride...lost all of the pride...

LMAO

Jose

I WISH I WISH I WISH THIS WOULD HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE

http://thedevilspanties.keenspace.com/d/20041018.html
nuff said
Jose