THE STORY OF THE NETHER GARMENTS or HOW MY UNDERWEAR SELECTION CHANGES OVER NIGHT

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on - bra... For some reason when I sat down today I had that damn song run thru my feeble brain, and since I didn't know the lyrics, I looked them up. So when it got to the line up there, I said hehehe "he said bra". Which made me remember that over the last month or so, Season and I have umm...expanded our nether region garments. It helps when the person you're with makes you feel special (no not the short bus kinda special, I mean c'mon here, I'm trying to be honest and romantic) that it also makes you feel beautiful/handsome. So needless to say we have started to let each other pick out lower coverings for each other. Me being the more shy and conservative have picked out some elegant yet tasteful garments for her. Now she on the other hand, well let me just tell you the whole story....

Over the weekend we stopped at K-Mart to shop because K-Mart still has some awesome deals. Well we were looking at the Led Zeppelin

and the Guns N Roses

lounge pants. I than remembered that I didn't do laundry...aka no clean bottom garbs, so I said I need to purchase some...thus giving me another laundry reprieve. So I was going to pick out my usual very conservative boxer briefs but alas Season would say "NAY, I forbid thee to PURCHASE SAID PRIVATE FINERY!!" Who knew she could talk like a Norse God? So anyway, she stands there like the statue of liberty holding up a package like it was her torch and her hand outstretched palm open saying is a thunderous tone "WRECTHED MAN, I NEED GOLD TO BRIBE THE KEEPERS OF THIS TRADING POST, SO THAT I MAY LEAVE HERE WITH MY NEW FOUND TREASURE!!!!!" There was a really scary gleam in her eye. So I gave her my wallet and what I can only describe as the most horrifying sound I ever heard she made this gutteral scream, (which I later found out was her hunt/kil victory scream). So when we got home, I was forced upstairs by sword point (where and when she got a sword is still a mystery to me) as she forced me to disrobe. Making lewd and suggestive comments the whole time. I was scared, but I love her so I did was I was told. Than she took her booty (you know what she got at the store...perverts) and tore open the package like Golem tearing into a fish, and threw an item at me. I caught it and she in a Xena "AIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAIAI" scream said put them on. Much to my horror and dismay she had bought man thongs. She wanted me to put on a thong. I gulped in the sheer horror of being so, dare I say the word?, exposed. But my love for her is great, that and the fact that she also had a crossbow pointed at me (where the hell she keeps her armory is still a mystery to me). So I did. Well they weren't that bad, but the evil glimmer in her eye....

OW!! OW!! STOP HITTING ME!! DAMNIT THAT HURTS!! NO BITING NOOOO BIIIITING!! HEY OW OW OW DON'T PULL ON THAT!! STOP PULLING MY HAIR!!!!!!!!

Ok, Season here to set the story straight. I can't believe the pack of lies he's spouting. I THOUGHT this was called the "Confessional" and would then have truth, but obviously I was grievously mistaken. "Oh lie to me Pinicchio, lie to me!!!"

So, yes, I too hate doing laundry, so I was going to purchase some new underwear and I truly was in need of new bras. Now, normally I get panties and bras similar to these. Hey, they're underwear, I wasn't seeing anyone, so what difference did it make? They were comfortable dammit! Well, obviously, they weren't sexy enough for him. So, I told him, "fine, go ahead, pick something out." I just gave him a few groundrules...nothing pink, no jewelry crap on it, no cutesy sayings (I'm too old for that shit thank you very much). I think he wandered around in the intimate apparel section for at least an hour, stopping at the flimsiest, filmiest, and yes, sometimes trashiest stuff they had there. I just rolled my eyes and walked away. The worst part was the little old lady in the section giving me looks that screamed "TRAMP!!" And the mother with her 3 young children who looked at me with sympathy. She whispered, "oh, one of those huh?" I looked down and nodded. "I share your pain," she replied.

So, after much fondling of lace and netting, drooling the entire time, he chose a variety of colors of these bras and these...thongs! Oh my dear Lord, he's making me wear a thong. Worse yet, I'm paying for these things! Ok, I can deal, again, they're going to be under my clothing and I can always wear the old panties/bra when I go to the doctor right?!? But then....he heads over to a different section. Then I knew I was in trouble. Yep, the trashy section, the one with the matching sets. The ones with chains, the ones that look like the stuff white trash girls Madonna-wannabes in the '80s wore. And he picks out...this (gasps) only this picture doesn't have the leather laces on it, so yes...the reality is worse. Give me strength! The strings on the thongs don't go up my butt as badly as I thought, I'm used to them now. Plus, since it's over 90 degrees, less fabric is cooler, so I can handle it.

Now, in retaliation, I purchased these mesh trunks for him, which he likes because he says they breathe more than the standard cotton ones he normally gets. Plus, they make his butt look AWESOME!! *evil grin* A few weeks later, he came home from Wal*mart all upset because, since I was wearing thongs for him, he thought it would be nice to wear thongs for me. But, they only had string bikinis. Well, when we were out of town, we DID find some thongs for him, which he picked out by the way. He just is too embarrassed to buy them if a female cashier is working. So, that's my job. The first set of thongs are nice, but they don't fit him that comfortably (see, as a woman I'm worried about his comfort). The most recent set, again his idea thank you very much, are much more comfortable for him. Of course, the minute we walk in the door with the new underwear, he just has to go on the runway, humming "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts...", and struts around the apartment, posing and acting all come-hither.

"HONEY I GOT YOU A DOUBLE HOT FUDGE CHOCOLATE SUNDAE!!!!!"

Wow and good frikken lord, I never thought she would leave the keyboard. Truth told, Season and I did go shopping for intimate apparel, and we did pick out the things you have seen in the links. But we did it together. Not for any other reason than the way we see each other, and the way we want each other to feel. You see she makes me feel handsome, and she tells me that I make her feel beautiful, and when we are around each other, we make each other feel sexy. So we did the underwear thing, as a way of letting each other know how, we see each other. Yeah, it sometimes gets a bit embarrising, but were in this together. As a couple. as a partnership and a very soon to be newlyweds. This was always about love and trust. Yeah there are times when doubts and fears rear their ugly heads, but we work through them. There are times when we doubt the way we look, but we look into each others eyes, and we can see how we look at each other, and how that makes us feel. So I hope this little retelling and truth saying was both fun and enjoyable. But it really was just us having some fun with truths mixed in....until next time I remain

Jose...and she remains

Season