LOL
Jose
1/18/2006
LOL NUFF SAID
You should drive a Saturn Sky |
 |
You should drive a Saturn Sky
What 2007 Car Should You Drive?
AN EX EMAILS ME
I read your girls' blog and all I kept thinking is "mygod it is Jose' all over again" no offense intended.
The way she writes and the way she thinks is just likeyou (very dramatic).
And to think you told me a longtime ago that if we ever split up you would go running
to that bitch Shelly (probably said that just to piss
me off though) and here you are with a female version
of you.
Hope this time it's real love and it lasts.
Jen
Well it's sorta true. I didn't run to Shelly, just a girl exactly like her. Season isn't exactly like me, but we have a lot in common. Because above and beyond everything else, we are each others best friends. Since the Silence is the Worst Sin and the Season Says entries, we haven't stopped talking or communicating. We both realized where this was heading, and instead of shying away, we did the opposite. We both accepted what was happening, and we fixed it. We tackled and faced the issue head on. We grew from this expierence, and became whole again. So is this real love? Yeah it is. How do I know this? Because my soul and my heart breathe life into me, when she is by my side and even when she is not.
Jose
The way she writes and the way she thinks is just likeyou (very dramatic).
And to think you told me a longtime ago that if we ever split up you would go running
to that bitch Shelly (probably said that just to piss
me off though) and here you are with a female version
of you.
Hope this time it's real love and it lasts.
Jen
Well it's sorta true. I didn't run to Shelly, just a girl exactly like her. Season isn't exactly like me, but we have a lot in common. Because above and beyond everything else, we are each others best friends. Since the Silence is the Worst Sin and the Season Says entries, we haven't stopped talking or communicating. We both realized where this was heading, and instead of shying away, we did the opposite. We both accepted what was happening, and we fixed it. We tackled and faced the issue head on. We grew from this expierence, and became whole again. So is this real love? Yeah it is. How do I know this? Because my soul and my heart breathe life into me, when she is by my side and even when she is not.
Jose
MY LIL SIS IS 21
I can't believe it. My little sister is officially 21. Or more accurately 21 years 1 hour and 15 minutes old. Damn, I feel old. Season and I went to dinner with sis, mom and mom's beau. We went, to of all places Applebees. I personally can't stand that place, other than the wall decorations. Other than the choice of venues, it was a nice night out. Nothing much more to talk about. talk to y'all soon.
Jose
Jose
1/17/2006
FINALLY...
Well, it's taken me a little bit of time but it's done. The C-O-A-C-E-archives is done. It includes some old blogs. It includes this blog. It's like a dvd with the special features. I'm in the middle of cooking so I'll be back when dinner is done.
Jose
Jose
1/16/2006
JUST A JOKE TO WASTE SOME TIME
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''
"No," the farmer said.
The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''
"No."
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''
The farmer shot Chuck
"No," the farmer said.
The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''
"No."
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''
The farmer shot Chuck
1/15/2006
SOME WASTED HUMOR
1. Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it.
The thief spends less than my wife did.
2. There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night!
I finally had to let her out.
3. I just got back from a pleasure trip.
I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
4. I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years.
If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
5. What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"
The thief spends less than my wife did.
2. There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night!
I finally had to let her out.
3. I just got back from a pleasure trip.
I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
4. I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years.
If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
5. What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home!"
1/14/2006
1/13/2006
I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW
Sorry, watching movies tonight. Chicken for dinner. Season for dessert. Than a "workout" to work off the calories. Be back tomorrow.
Jose being dragged away from the computer. It's mating Season
Jose being dragged away from the computer. It's mating Season
1/12/2006
STRANGERS IN PARADISE VOL. 1
Strangers in Paradise Volume OneTerry Moore writes and draws
01 June, 1998 — — Book
Review Strangers in Paradise Volume One
Now those of you who do read this know that I am a comic book fan. Just because I don't have a wall of comics anymore, doesn't mean that my love for this medium has lessened. I just don't have the income or the space for this anymore. So since I actually have some time on my hands, I've put the Wolfwalker series on hold, and have gone back to an old, but not forgotten love.
First is Terry Moore's Strangers in Paradise (that's the official website). Now any comic book fan out there has at least heard of this series. In it's simplest definition, it's about three friends. Francine, Katchoo and David, three ordinary people with haunted pasts, love filled hearts and simply trying to live in happiness. This is hands down one of the best comic books out in the market today. It's about love, loss, sacrifice and overcoming and accepting life in general. This particular book collects the now almost impossible to find three issue mini series, and introduces you into what can simply be called an amazing and wonderful story. If you want to read something that fills the heart with joy and sadness, you really need to give this book a shot. Trust me, you won't forgive yourself if you don't, because this book is just the doorway, the second book in the series I Dream of You begins the real journey. A journey that is as captivating on the 10th plus read as it was on the first read.
Jose
Review of Transmetropolitan Vol. 1: Back on the Street
Transmetropolitan Vol. 1: Back on the Street
Warren Ellis writes Darick Robertson draws
01 February, 1998 — $7.95 — Book
The original inspiration as to how I would approach this lil waste of space. The "hero" is named Spider Jerusalem. He's a journalist. He's a prick and revels in that fact. He's a chain smoking; drinking and pill popping, jerk who only cares about the truth. But that's just his armor. He's an intelligent man who wants the city to look beyond it's own filth and lies to find the truth. He has a heart and he shows it in the climactic point of this book. He wants the world to open their eyes to the depravity that surrounds it, and do something about it. He is the voice of people who have no voice.
The story takes place in "The City", a nihilistic and technologically overloaded hell. Spider is a retired journalist, who had left for his own sanity, and is dragged back because of a book contract that he HAS to fulfill. So he comes back the City. Than he goes to work, telling the dirty and ugly truth, to save some innocent people, and in the end pays the price for interfering with the police, and the brutal punishment that they were delivering.
This really is a great story with some chuckles, a lot of violence and the first step towards Spider Jerusalem's ultimate destiny.
Jose
JUST SOME IMAGES OF FREINDS WHO I VISITED RECENTLY
david
Katchoo
Francine
These images belong to Terry Moore, and I am using them in only the deepest respect for an amazing writer/artist. I've just had some time on my hands, and have gone back and visited some old friends.
Katchoo
Francine
These images belong to Terry Moore, and I am using them in only the deepest respect for an amazing writer/artist. I've just had some time on my hands, and have gone back and visited some old friends.
1/11/2006
Confessional
AND DRAGGING AND DRAGGING AND DRAGGING
Soon no longer to be stepdad just called me, to tell me that my mother is going for the jugular. Alimony, maintence, pension, house and half of her bills to be paid. Which to me is ironic because just 3 days ago, she told me all she wanted was out of the marriage and when the house was sold, that my sister gets 3/4's of the money. Even more ironic is that she wants the bills she made AFTER she moved out to be paid. Which again is ironic because my soon no longer to be stepdad just recently went to 13 dollars/hr...at a place where he's been working at for over 20 years, and my mother just got a raise at the place where she's worked at for 5 years and makes the same now. Don't get me wrong, I really DO NOT LIKE my soon no longer to be stepdad, but even I can see that all she's trying to do to him is hurt him, because he hurt her and me. The sad part, is she allowed it then. So what I am saying is, if you want it over then just end it. Don't make it a drama. Say it's done and be done with it. Because when you do (meaning both of my "parents") than I'm done with you. Less baggage + less drama = a happy Jose.
Jose
Soon no longer to be stepdad just called me, to tell me that my mother is going for the jugular. Alimony, maintence, pension, house and half of her bills to be paid. Which to me is ironic because just 3 days ago, she told me all she wanted was out of the marriage and when the house was sold, that my sister gets 3/4's of the money. Even more ironic is that she wants the bills she made AFTER she moved out to be paid. Which again is ironic because my soon no longer to be stepdad just recently went to 13 dollars/hr...at a place where he's been working at for over 20 years, and my mother just got a raise at the place where she's worked at for 5 years and makes the same now. Don't get me wrong, I really DO NOT LIKE my soon no longer to be stepdad, but even I can see that all she's trying to do to him is hurt him, because he hurt her and me. The sad part, is she allowed it then. So what I am saying is, if you want it over then just end it. Don't make it a drama. Say it's done and be done with it. Because when you do (meaning both of my "parents") than I'm done with you. Less baggage + less drama = a happy Jose.
Jose
1/10/2006
WHY DO I KEEP GETTING DRAGGED BACK?
You know by now, you'd think I'd know better. I talked to my stepfather, and since he and my mother are going through their divorce (their first hearing is tomorrow morning) and I got to be "the sympathetic shoulder". I want no part of any of this. I told them 5 years ago to fix it or end it. I told them that 4 years ago, 3 years ago, 2 years ago and than I said leave me out of it. I said work it out on your own. Well they aren't and I'm being dragged into it. You know sometimes, I really hate the people who are my family for dragging me into their misery and self loathing. So I guess that's it for now. Talk to you all tomorrow.
Jose
Jose
1/08/2006
Review of Star Wars - Clone Wars, Vol. 2
I finally got around to watching my Christmas presents. You know I wasn't expecting much with this. Just some filler material to waste time with. I was wrong. What we got was a solid mini-series minus all the intro's and commercials that actually feels like a Star Wars movie, without being hindered by the limitations of live action. It was enjoyable and informative. It actually leads directly into Star Wars Episode 3 without missing a beat. At first I thought it looked a little too cartoony, but after a about 10 minutes or so, I realized that it had a strong story with important information. If you're a Star Wars fan you should have this, or if you enjoyed Star Wars Episode 3 The Revenge of the Sith, you should see this to get a better overall feel to the saga itself. With that said...enjoy andI remain a kid at heart, faithful to the force,
named
Jose
1/07/2006
IT'S OPEN SEASON
There's a subject out there that I've been mum on for a long time now. Well, I'm tired, I'm crabby, and I'm sick of being the bad guy, so here's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but, not that people will believe it.
Over a year ago, a co-worker/friend (although how you can call a person you walk on eggshells around constantly because you never know when she's going to stop talking to you or what you did wrong this time a friend is beyond me) met a guy in a chat room. So, they got talking and she decided that he needed to be tested. She enlisted myself and another co-worker/friend to administer the test. "Tell me if he's a good guy or not, you have better judgement than I do." So, I got on-line and was hauled into a chatroom with the 3 of us girls plus him. We talked for a while, he seemed very nice, and I told her so. She left, but the rest of us stayed and kept talking. Then, the other co-worker left. And he and I kept talking. We had a lot in common. More in common than I do with most people. It was a really awesome conversation. But, he's seeing my friend, so, cool, he and I can be friends. End of that type of thought before it even got going. Would I have been interested in him if they weren't involved with each other? Yes. But...they were...end of story.
He and I continued to talk on-line, about movies, books, pet peeves, anything and everything really. We'd sit and talk for hours, long after she was in bed, while he was at work. Then we'd talk in the morning when he got home from work and when I'd just woken up, usually around 10am. This wasn't a daily occurence, but was a minimum of once a week.
Then the moment came when he drove up to "Rivendale" to surprise her. Unbeknownst to her, he actually visited her after a date with another girl in Marshfield didn't work out. No, I didn't know that at the time. I was told that about six months ago. But by that time, I was the mega-villain and didn't care enough to say anything.
In her eyes, the first meeting went great, and they continued to see each other. In his eyes, well, he didn't want to be alone and they got along ok. So, he drove up to "Rivendale" to meet her friends. I swear she invited everyone she's ever known. Not the first time she'd done that to a guy she met on-line, and probably won't be the last. As compared to the other guy I witnessed being put to the torture test, she did at least talk to him and not ignore him completely. I saw him, knew I was in trouble, and ran. I got completely trashed and left to go to another bar. I was able to shut down any feelings I might have for him that way. Denial is a wonderful thing. Well, not really, but it got me through the night. (He just read over my shoulder and agrees that denial is a good defence mechanism) At one point that evening, I slapped him (so I've been told) and told him that if he hurt her, I'd kill him (that part I remember). Again, denial, but also not. I say not denial because I knew that for him I was capable of going against my own moral code regarding people that are spoken for.
The next time we spoke was about a week later. After I had calmed down the utter mortification I was feeling by my drunken fool behavior upon meeting him in person. I apologized, he said no big deal, and we just kept talking.
The next time we saw each other in person for more than a split second was the day of a huge birthday party, for 5 different people. The girl he was seeing at the time met his parents earlier that day, so I asked him how it went standing less then 10 feet in front of her...facing her the entire time. This obviously meant that I was trying to steal him away from her because she wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the party or for a few weeks after that as well. So, once I realized that I was causing drama at the party (and all the witnesses to it said I didn't do a damn thing wrong), I told him to go talk to her and then I stayed away from her and him. I also went home after the party instead of joining everyone at the bar. This pissed her off too because evidently that was rude. Personally, I figured removing myself from the situation was the politest thing to do and I'm just too fucking old to deal with that high school shit.
Because of the bullshit, I talked to him less after that. It seemed like the right thing to do. He was dating her, I caused tension in their relationship, made sense to me. It sucked tho because I couldn't talk to my friend. The person that I was happy to have as a friend, knowing there was never a chance that we'd be together, and I was ok with that. I understood that. I dealt with it.
Then one day....he said it....those words...those awful words. I hate those words. They are the words that people have said to me in the past. And they usually don't mean them, but just say them to cheer the person they're saying them to up. "If I had met you first..."
Can't be discussed, should never be brought up, stop this line of discussion right now. But he wouldn't. PANIC!!! "You have to say how you really feel," he insists. Think, hard to think, what to say? What's a safe thing to say, but doesn't say anything real? "I would find you intriguing," I reply. Then we chit chat for a while and he disappears.
I immediately send an email to the other friend chosen to test him, including a transcript of the chat (Yahoo history you know). "How does this sound to you? Did I handle it ok? What should I do? Should I tell her?" Her response was, "You handled it fine, sounds really good, oh my God, are you fucking kidding me? Don't tell her. Dammit! You should have been in the chat room that day instead of her!"
And so, after emailing him to delete the conversation from his history because she was coming to visit him and I didn't want him to get in trouble for what I assumed was a drunken moment, I avoided him. He avoided me. We didn't talk for a few weeks. Then, we slowly started talking again. Until the day he was coming up to Rivendale job hunting. He was moving up there to be with her, they'd been talking about marriage. Which ripped me apart, but ok, deal with it. He insisted that we go out to lunch before work. I tried to back away from it, but the man is pushy when he wants something and wouldn't let it go. So, I agreed. And we met for lunch. He talked and talked and talked. I looked at my plate and barely ate anything. For once, I was shy with him, something that I'd never been. Then I had to go to work, where she was pissy because he didn't meet her for her 20 minute lunch. I said, well, he was out to lunch with me. She flipped out. I said, didn't he tell you? Because I couldn't believe he hadn't. And if he did tell her later, and I hadn't said anything...all hell would break loose.
I avoided him after that. Couldn't stand seeing him with her. They were not right for each other. Everyone knew it (except maybe her), everyone had expected it to end long before, but they were moving in together. In order not to say anything, I didn't talk to him any more. Also, to make my life easier at work because she was jealous even tho neither of us had ever done anything.
Occassionally we'd see each other at break at work and talk for a few minutes. We had the same time for the company Xmas dinner, and talked and yes, gave each other a hug in public. It was a quick hug. We both jerked away. I didn't want him getting in trouble because it was sure to get back to her. Which almost made me cry, but I was in public. I didn't want to leave his arms. But other than that...we didn't talk. I had him on permanent invisible on Yahoo so he wouldn't know if I was on-line.
I was going through a really tough time. I wasn't able to talk to my good friend, who if I was honest with myself, I was also in love with. My aunt died. One of my best friends was diagnosed HIV+. I lost it. Good old nervous breakdown time. Don't leave the house except to go to work. Shop only late at night when there are no people around. Some days I couldn't go to work. I stopped living and was barely even existing.
Then in the beginning of April, I logged onto Yahoo. He was on-line. I took him off invis and said hi. We talked for 4 hours. I had been home sick (physically, not mentally this time). Again, pushy man wouldn't take no for an answer and we agreed to meet for a drink the next day. I told him that I'd stay 1 hour at most. I ended up being 20 minutes late because a friend had locked her keys in her car and I stayed to help her out. He was still there and greeted me with a huge smile. We ended up talking until 4am. But we had to keep it a secret from her...of course. Sneaking around when we weren't doing anything but talking about movies, books, and bullshit. And we agreed to meet the same night the following week.
The next week, again, we're just sitting talking. The bartender and the off-duty bartender were the only other people in the bar and they were beyond drunk. So drunk that he was doing the bartending because they could barely stand. "Just kiss her" No, no, no! From both of us. From him, she's my best friend, that's gross! From me, he's dating someone, that's just wrong, I'm not that type of person! "Fine, we're going to dance, you dance too." Thinking it would get them to just shut up, I agreed. He agreed. Brad Paisley We Danced (lyrics at the end of the post) played on the jukebox. We started off holding each other at arms length, like 6th graders at their first dance. Gradually we held each other closer, until we were clinging to each other. I was blushing so much, I thought my head was going to burst into flames. But still nothing was said. We finished the dance, and sat talking until 3:30am. My birthday was that Friday, and he was going to join me and a huge group of people to celebrate.
Friday came and I didn't think he was going to show. But he finally did. She wasn't with him. Oh man, this just got tougher...because I wanted to be in his arms again. We kept everything on the friendship level. Talking with a huge group, nothing drastic going on, just hanging out. We bar hopped a bit. I was drinking beer and "pussy" shots, so I didn't make a fool out of myself again, but I had a nice buzz going just the same. At the last bar, he went off by himself. Sitting at the bar with his head down, while the rest of the group was by the dance floor. Finally, I walked over to him and said, "oh Jose, it'll be alright. Don't you know I love you too?" He winced. I immediately added, "of course I mean as a friend." He looked at me and said, "no no no no no. not just as a friend." And that was it...we started telling each other how we felt. We kissed, the shy, yet wholly emotion filled soft first kiss that's barely a brush of the lips. And then we left the bar.
He left her the next day. But she wouldn't let him go, wouldn't accept that he didn't want to be with her. Didn't know that when he insisted I go out to the bar with him that first time, it was to say goodbye because he was going to throw himself in the river and let it carry him away. Didn't know that he was dying inside. Just like I was. But I didn't tell him to stay with me. I let him go back to her, still trying to do the right thing. Knowing that I would move away as soon as I could after basking in his love for too brief a time. But we couldn't stay apart. He went back to her on Monday. He left her for good on Tuesday. I've never let him go since. I always tell him to stay.
so...am I the bad guy? am I a terrible person for wanting to be with the person that I love more than anyone else in the world? am I a sinner for not wanting him to be with the person who was killing him a little more every day? If so, then that's what I am. And I would do it all over again.
We Danced by Brad Paisley
The bar was empty
I was sweeping up the floor
That's when she walked in
I said, "I'm sorry but we're closed"
And she said "I know,
But I'm afraid I left my purse"
I said, "I put one back behind the bar
I bet it's probably yours"
And the next thing that I knew
There we were, lost in conversation
And before I handed her her purse
I said, "You'll only get this back on one condition"
And we danced
Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced
And from that moment
There was never any doubt
I had found the one
That I had always dreamed about
And then one evenin'
When she stopped by after work
I pulled a diamond ring out of the pocket of my shirt
And as her eyes filled up with tears
She said, "This is the last thing I expected"
And then she took me by the hand
And said, "I'll only marry you on one condition"
And we danced
Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced Like no one else had ever danced before
I can't explain what happened on that floor
But the music played We held each other close
And we danced
Yeah, we danced
Over a year ago, a co-worker/friend (although how you can call a person you walk on eggshells around constantly because you never know when she's going to stop talking to you or what you did wrong this time a friend is beyond me) met a guy in a chat room. So, they got talking and she decided that he needed to be tested. She enlisted myself and another co-worker/friend to administer the test. "Tell me if he's a good guy or not, you have better judgement than I do." So, I got on-line and was hauled into a chatroom with the 3 of us girls plus him. We talked for a while, he seemed very nice, and I told her so. She left, but the rest of us stayed and kept talking. Then, the other co-worker left. And he and I kept talking. We had a lot in common. More in common than I do with most people. It was a really awesome conversation. But, he's seeing my friend, so, cool, he and I can be friends. End of that type of thought before it even got going. Would I have been interested in him if they weren't involved with each other? Yes. But...they were...end of story.
He and I continued to talk on-line, about movies, books, pet peeves, anything and everything really. We'd sit and talk for hours, long after she was in bed, while he was at work. Then we'd talk in the morning when he got home from work and when I'd just woken up, usually around 10am. This wasn't a daily occurence, but was a minimum of once a week.
Then the moment came when he drove up to "Rivendale" to surprise her. Unbeknownst to her, he actually visited her after a date with another girl in Marshfield didn't work out. No, I didn't know that at the time. I was told that about six months ago. But by that time, I was the mega-villain and didn't care enough to say anything.
In her eyes, the first meeting went great, and they continued to see each other. In his eyes, well, he didn't want to be alone and they got along ok. So, he drove up to "Rivendale" to meet her friends. I swear she invited everyone she's ever known. Not the first time she'd done that to a guy she met on-line, and probably won't be the last. As compared to the other guy I witnessed being put to the torture test, she did at least talk to him and not ignore him completely. I saw him, knew I was in trouble, and ran. I got completely trashed and left to go to another bar. I was able to shut down any feelings I might have for him that way. Denial is a wonderful thing. Well, not really, but it got me through the night. (He just read over my shoulder and agrees that denial is a good defence mechanism) At one point that evening, I slapped him (so I've been told) and told him that if he hurt her, I'd kill him (that part I remember). Again, denial, but also not. I say not denial because I knew that for him I was capable of going against my own moral code regarding people that are spoken for.
The next time we spoke was about a week later. After I had calmed down the utter mortification I was feeling by my drunken fool behavior upon meeting him in person. I apologized, he said no big deal, and we just kept talking.
The next time we saw each other in person for more than a split second was the day of a huge birthday party, for 5 different people. The girl he was seeing at the time met his parents earlier that day, so I asked him how it went standing less then 10 feet in front of her...facing her the entire time. This obviously meant that I was trying to steal him away from her because she wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the party or for a few weeks after that as well. So, once I realized that I was causing drama at the party (and all the witnesses to it said I didn't do a damn thing wrong), I told him to go talk to her and then I stayed away from her and him. I also went home after the party instead of joining everyone at the bar. This pissed her off too because evidently that was rude. Personally, I figured removing myself from the situation was the politest thing to do and I'm just too fucking old to deal with that high school shit.
Because of the bullshit, I talked to him less after that. It seemed like the right thing to do. He was dating her, I caused tension in their relationship, made sense to me. It sucked tho because I couldn't talk to my friend. The person that I was happy to have as a friend, knowing there was never a chance that we'd be together, and I was ok with that. I understood that. I dealt with it.
Then one day....he said it....those words...those awful words. I hate those words. They are the words that people have said to me in the past. And they usually don't mean them, but just say them to cheer the person they're saying them to up. "If I had met you first..."
Can't be discussed, should never be brought up, stop this line of discussion right now. But he wouldn't. PANIC!!! "You have to say how you really feel," he insists. Think, hard to think, what to say? What's a safe thing to say, but doesn't say anything real? "I would find you intriguing," I reply. Then we chit chat for a while and he disappears.
I immediately send an email to the other friend chosen to test him, including a transcript of the chat (Yahoo history you know). "How does this sound to you? Did I handle it ok? What should I do? Should I tell her?" Her response was, "You handled it fine, sounds really good, oh my God, are you fucking kidding me? Don't tell her. Dammit! You should have been in the chat room that day instead of her!"
And so, after emailing him to delete the conversation from his history because she was coming to visit him and I didn't want him to get in trouble for what I assumed was a drunken moment, I avoided him. He avoided me. We didn't talk for a few weeks. Then, we slowly started talking again. Until the day he was coming up to Rivendale job hunting. He was moving up there to be with her, they'd been talking about marriage. Which ripped me apart, but ok, deal with it. He insisted that we go out to lunch before work. I tried to back away from it, but the man is pushy when he wants something and wouldn't let it go. So, I agreed. And we met for lunch. He talked and talked and talked. I looked at my plate and barely ate anything. For once, I was shy with him, something that I'd never been. Then I had to go to work, where she was pissy because he didn't meet her for her 20 minute lunch. I said, well, he was out to lunch with me. She flipped out. I said, didn't he tell you? Because I couldn't believe he hadn't. And if he did tell her later, and I hadn't said anything...all hell would break loose.
I avoided him after that. Couldn't stand seeing him with her. They were not right for each other. Everyone knew it (except maybe her), everyone had expected it to end long before, but they were moving in together. In order not to say anything, I didn't talk to him any more. Also, to make my life easier at work because she was jealous even tho neither of us had ever done anything.
Occassionally we'd see each other at break at work and talk for a few minutes. We had the same time for the company Xmas dinner, and talked and yes, gave each other a hug in public. It was a quick hug. We both jerked away. I didn't want him getting in trouble because it was sure to get back to her. Which almost made me cry, but I was in public. I didn't want to leave his arms. But other than that...we didn't talk. I had him on permanent invisible on Yahoo so he wouldn't know if I was on-line.
I was going through a really tough time. I wasn't able to talk to my good friend, who if I was honest with myself, I was also in love with. My aunt died. One of my best friends was diagnosed HIV+. I lost it. Good old nervous breakdown time. Don't leave the house except to go to work. Shop only late at night when there are no people around. Some days I couldn't go to work. I stopped living and was barely even existing.
Then in the beginning of April, I logged onto Yahoo. He was on-line. I took him off invis and said hi. We talked for 4 hours. I had been home sick (physically, not mentally this time). Again, pushy man wouldn't take no for an answer and we agreed to meet for a drink the next day. I told him that I'd stay 1 hour at most. I ended up being 20 minutes late because a friend had locked her keys in her car and I stayed to help her out. He was still there and greeted me with a huge smile. We ended up talking until 4am. But we had to keep it a secret from her...of course. Sneaking around when we weren't doing anything but talking about movies, books, and bullshit. And we agreed to meet the same night the following week.
The next week, again, we're just sitting talking. The bartender and the off-duty bartender were the only other people in the bar and they were beyond drunk. So drunk that he was doing the bartending because they could barely stand. "Just kiss her" No, no, no! From both of us. From him, she's my best friend, that's gross! From me, he's dating someone, that's just wrong, I'm not that type of person! "Fine, we're going to dance, you dance too." Thinking it would get them to just shut up, I agreed. He agreed. Brad Paisley We Danced (lyrics at the end of the post) played on the jukebox. We started off holding each other at arms length, like 6th graders at their first dance. Gradually we held each other closer, until we were clinging to each other. I was blushing so much, I thought my head was going to burst into flames. But still nothing was said. We finished the dance, and sat talking until 3:30am. My birthday was that Friday, and he was going to join me and a huge group of people to celebrate.
Friday came and I didn't think he was going to show. But he finally did. She wasn't with him. Oh man, this just got tougher...because I wanted to be in his arms again. We kept everything on the friendship level. Talking with a huge group, nothing drastic going on, just hanging out. We bar hopped a bit. I was drinking beer and "pussy" shots, so I didn't make a fool out of myself again, but I had a nice buzz going just the same. At the last bar, he went off by himself. Sitting at the bar with his head down, while the rest of the group was by the dance floor. Finally, I walked over to him and said, "oh Jose, it'll be alright. Don't you know I love you too?" He winced. I immediately added, "of course I mean as a friend." He looked at me and said, "no no no no no. not just as a friend." And that was it...we started telling each other how we felt. We kissed, the shy, yet wholly emotion filled soft first kiss that's barely a brush of the lips. And then we left the bar.
He left her the next day. But she wouldn't let him go, wouldn't accept that he didn't want to be with her. Didn't know that when he insisted I go out to the bar with him that first time, it was to say goodbye because he was going to throw himself in the river and let it carry him away. Didn't know that he was dying inside. Just like I was. But I didn't tell him to stay with me. I let him go back to her, still trying to do the right thing. Knowing that I would move away as soon as I could after basking in his love for too brief a time. But we couldn't stay apart. He went back to her on Monday. He left her for good on Tuesday. I've never let him go since. I always tell him to stay.
so...am I the bad guy? am I a terrible person for wanting to be with the person that I love more than anyone else in the world? am I a sinner for not wanting him to be with the person who was killing him a little more every day? If so, then that's what I am. And I would do it all over again.
We Danced by Brad Paisley
The bar was empty
I was sweeping up the floor
That's when she walked in
I said, "I'm sorry but we're closed"
And she said "I know,
But I'm afraid I left my purse"
I said, "I put one back behind the bar
I bet it's probably yours"
And the next thing that I knew
There we were, lost in conversation
And before I handed her her purse
I said, "You'll only get this back on one condition"
And we danced
Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced
And from that moment
There was never any doubt
I had found the one
That I had always dreamed about
And then one evenin'
When she stopped by after work
I pulled a diamond ring out of the pocket of my shirt
And as her eyes filled up with tears
She said, "This is the last thing I expected"
And then she took me by the hand
And said, "I'll only marry you on one condition"
And we danced
Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced Like no one else had ever danced before
I can't explain what happened on that floor
But the music played We held each other close
And we danced
Yeah, we danced
1/06/2006
SEASON SAYS
This was in an old issue of a work newsletter, written by the president of the company. It made me giggle.
Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells...? The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the prerailroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's behind came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story... When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the worlds most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's behind.
And you thought being a horse's behind wasn't important??
Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells...? The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the prerailroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's behind came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story... When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the worlds most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's behind.
And you thought being a horse's behind wasn't important??
1/05/2006
A BRIEF UPDATE...MORE LATER
Hello my jelly and cream filled bit's of goodness. I have a confession to make. I have had other blogs. I don't write on them anymore. I started them for a plethora of reasons. From being able to be angry and that person not being able to read them, to a place where I could put poetry. Well, I decided that since using blog-city only allows a finite number of posts, I decided to start an archive. I'm still working on it, and I may be for a little while. You see, I'm selfish and very clingy to my blogs, so I figured I'd condense all of them into one new "old" blog. I started by finding them all...which took a lot of time. I forgot where they were. But after abusing google, I found them. Only a couple have survived, inactivity seems to do make them deletable, so after a whole lot of copying and pasting, I have taken them off their "dead" blogs, deleted the old blogs and saved the postings. When, I get further with the archive, I'll be linking it here. That's all for now...i'll be back later tonight with more, but since I was here anyways, meaning at the puter, I figured why not tell you what is in the works. I think I may have even posted some of the old poems on here, but I'll be going through all that too. So for now I remain...
Jose
Jose
1/04/2006
Review of Diablo #1: Legacy of Blood
THIS WAS CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!! I can't believe I wasted the time to read this one. I would have been better off playing the game, where at least spending 4 days I would have finished the game and even though I wasted four days in front of the computer I would have felt like I acomplished so much more. The story was weak. The characters were the steroptypical...demon bad, ghosts want to keep living, selfish sorceress, evil general, cursed items, BLAH FRIKKEN BLAH!! I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but for chrissakes, I honestly would rather watch Barb Wire 52.844036697247706422018348623853 times(that's the amount of time I spent reading this book and that's how many times I would have to watch the 109 minute movie). I also think Barb Wire is one of the most wretched things ever made for cinema, but it is actually less painful than this book. So with that saidI remain truly happy that I have the Wolfwalker Books to finish and i am still
Jose
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