IT'S OPEN SEASON

There's a subject out there that I've been mum on for a long time now. Well, I'm tired, I'm crabby, and I'm sick of being the bad guy, so here's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but, not that people will believe it.

Over a year ago, a co-worker/friend (although how you can call a person you walk on eggshells around constantly because you never know when she's going to stop talking to you or what you did wrong this time a friend is beyond me) met a guy in a chat room. So, they got talking and she decided that he needed to be tested. She enlisted myself and another co-worker/friend to administer the test. "Tell me if he's a good guy or not, you have better judgement than I do." So, I got on-line and was hauled into a chatroom with the 3 of us girls plus him. We talked for a while, he seemed very nice, and I told her so. She left, but the rest of us stayed and kept talking. Then, the other co-worker left. And he and I kept talking. We had a lot in common. More in common than I do with most people. It was a really awesome conversation. But, he's seeing my friend, so, cool, he and I can be friends. End of that type of thought before it even got going. Would I have been interested in him if they weren't involved with each other? Yes. But...they were...end of story.

He and I continued to talk on-line, about movies, books, pet peeves, anything and everything really. We'd sit and talk for hours, long after she was in bed, while he was at work. Then we'd talk in the morning when he got home from work and when I'd just woken up, usually around 10am. This wasn't a daily occurence, but was a minimum of once a week.

Then the moment came when he drove up to "Rivendale" to surprise her. Unbeknownst to her, he actually visited her after a date with another girl in Marshfield didn't work out. No, I didn't know that at the time. I was told that about six months ago. But by that time, I was the mega-villain and didn't care enough to say anything.

In her eyes, the first meeting went great, and they continued to see each other. In his eyes, well, he didn't want to be alone and they got along ok. So, he drove up to "Rivendale" to meet her friends. I swear she invited everyone she's ever known. Not the first time she'd done that to a guy she met on-line, and probably won't be the last. As compared to the other guy I witnessed being put to the torture test, she did at least talk to him and not ignore him completely. I saw him, knew I was in trouble, and ran. I got completely trashed and left to go to another bar. I was able to shut down any feelings I might have for him that way. Denial is a wonderful thing. Well, not really, but it got me through the night. (He just read over my shoulder and agrees that denial is a good defence mechanism) At one point that evening, I slapped him (so I've been told) and told him that if he hurt her, I'd kill him (that part I remember). Again, denial, but also not. I say not denial because I knew that for him I was capable of going against my own moral code regarding people that are spoken for.
The next time we spoke was about a week later. After I had calmed down the utter mortification I was feeling by my drunken fool behavior upon meeting him in person. I apologized, he said no big deal, and we just kept talking.

The next time we saw each other in person for more than a split second was the day of a huge birthday party, for 5 different people. The girl he was seeing at the time met his parents earlier that day, so I asked him how it went standing less then 10 feet in front of her...facing her the entire time. This obviously meant that I was trying to steal him away from her because she wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the party or for a few weeks after that as well. So, once I realized that I was causing drama at the party (and all the witnesses to it said I didn't do a damn thing wrong), I told him to go talk to her and then I stayed away from her and him. I also went home after the party instead of joining everyone at the bar. This pissed her off too because evidently that was rude. Personally, I figured removing myself from the situation was the politest thing to do and I'm just too fucking old to deal with that high school shit.

Because of the bullshit, I talked to him less after that. It seemed like the right thing to do. He was dating her, I caused tension in their relationship, made sense to me. It sucked tho because I couldn't talk to my friend. The person that I was happy to have as a friend, knowing there was never a chance that we'd be together, and I was ok with that. I understood that. I dealt with it.
Then one day....he said it....those words...those awful words. I hate those words. They are the words that people have said to me in the past. And they usually don't mean them, but just say them to cheer the person they're saying them to up. "If I had met you first..."

Can't be discussed, should never be brought up, stop this line of discussion right now. But he wouldn't. PANIC!!! "You have to say how you really feel," he insists. Think, hard to think, what to say? What's a safe thing to say, but doesn't say anything real? "I would find you intriguing," I reply. Then we chit chat for a while and he disappears.

I immediately send an email to the other friend chosen to test him, including a transcript of the chat (Yahoo history you know). "How does this sound to you? Did I handle it ok? What should I do? Should I tell her?" Her response was, "You handled it fine, sounds really good, oh my God, are you fucking kidding me? Don't tell her. Dammit! You should have been in the chat room that day instead of her!"

And so, after emailing him to delete the conversation from his history because she was coming to visit him and I didn't want him to get in trouble for what I assumed was a drunken moment, I avoided him. He avoided me. We didn't talk for a few weeks. Then, we slowly started talking again. Until the day he was coming up to Rivendale job hunting. He was moving up there to be with her, they'd been talking about marriage. Which ripped me apart, but ok, deal with it. He insisted that we go out to lunch before work. I tried to back away from it, but the man is pushy when he wants something and wouldn't let it go. So, I agreed. And we met for lunch. He talked and talked and talked. I looked at my plate and barely ate anything. For once, I was shy with him, something that I'd never been. Then I had to go to work, where she was pissy because he didn't meet her for her 20 minute lunch. I said, well, he was out to lunch with me. She flipped out. I said, didn't he tell you? Because I couldn't believe he hadn't. And if he did tell her later, and I hadn't said anything...all hell would break loose.

I avoided him after that. Couldn't stand seeing him with her. They were not right for each other. Everyone knew it (except maybe her), everyone had expected it to end long before, but they were moving in together. In order not to say anything, I didn't talk to him any more. Also, to make my life easier at work because she was jealous even tho neither of us had ever done anything.

Occassionally we'd see each other at break at work and talk for a few minutes. We had the same time for the company Xmas dinner, and talked and yes, gave each other a hug in public. It was a quick hug. We both jerked away. I didn't want him getting in trouble because it was sure to get back to her. Which almost made me cry, but I was in public. I didn't want to leave his arms. But other than that...we didn't talk. I had him on permanent invisible on Yahoo so he wouldn't know if I was on-line.

I was going through a really tough time. I wasn't able to talk to my good friend, who if I was honest with myself, I was also in love with. My aunt died. One of my best friends was diagnosed HIV+. I lost it. Good old nervous breakdown time. Don't leave the house except to go to work. Shop only late at night when there are no people around. Some days I couldn't go to work. I stopped living and was barely even existing.

Then in the beginning of April, I logged onto Yahoo. He was on-line. I took him off invis and said hi. We talked for 4 hours. I had been home sick (physically, not mentally this time). Again, pushy man wouldn't take no for an answer and we agreed to meet for a drink the next day. I told him that I'd stay 1 hour at most. I ended up being 20 minutes late because a friend had locked her keys in her car and I stayed to help her out. He was still there and greeted me with a huge smile. We ended up talking until 4am. But we had to keep it a secret from her...of course. Sneaking around when we weren't doing anything but talking about movies, books, and bullshit. And we agreed to meet the same night the following week.

The next week, again, we're just sitting talking. The bartender and the off-duty bartender were the only other people in the bar and they were beyond drunk. So drunk that he was doing the bartending because they could barely stand. "Just kiss her" No, no, no! From both of us. From him, she's my best friend, that's gross! From me, he's dating someone, that's just wrong, I'm not that type of person! "Fine, we're going to dance, you dance too." Thinking it would get them to just shut up, I agreed. He agreed. Brad Paisley We Danced (lyrics at the end of the post) played on the jukebox. We started off holding each other at arms length, like 6th graders at their first dance. Gradually we held each other closer, until we were clinging to each other. I was blushing so much, I thought my head was going to burst into flames. But still nothing was said. We finished the dance, and sat talking until 3:30am. My birthday was that Friday, and he was going to join me and a huge group of people to celebrate.

Friday came and I didn't think he was going to show. But he finally did. She wasn't with him. Oh man, this just got tougher...because I wanted to be in his arms again. We kept everything on the friendship level. Talking with a huge group, nothing drastic going on, just hanging out. We bar hopped a bit. I was drinking beer and "pussy" shots, so I didn't make a fool out of myself again, but I had a nice buzz going just the same. At the last bar, he went off by himself. Sitting at the bar with his head down, while the rest of the group was by the dance floor. Finally, I walked over to him and said, "oh Jose, it'll be alright. Don't you know I love you too?" He winced. I immediately added, "of course I mean as a friend." He looked at me and said, "no no no no no. not just as a friend." And that was it...we started telling each other how we felt. We kissed, the shy, yet wholly emotion filled soft first kiss that's barely a brush of the lips. And then we left the bar.

He left her the next day. But she wouldn't let him go, wouldn't accept that he didn't want to be with her. Didn't know that when he insisted I go out to the bar with him that first time, it was to say goodbye because he was going to throw himself in the river and let it carry him away. Didn't know that he was dying inside. Just like I was. But I didn't tell him to stay with me. I let him go back to her, still trying to do the right thing. Knowing that I would move away as soon as I could after basking in his love for too brief a time. But we couldn't stay apart. He went back to her on Monday. He left her for good on Tuesday. I've never let him go since. I always tell him to stay.

so...am I the bad guy? am I a terrible person for wanting to be with the person that I love more than anyone else in the world? am I a sinner for not wanting him to be with the person who was killing him a little more every day? If so, then that's what I am. And I would do it all over again.

We Danced by Brad Paisley

The bar was empty
I was sweeping up the floor
That's when she walked in
I said, "I'm sorry but we're closed"
And she said "I know,
But I'm afraid I left my purse"
I said, "I put one back behind the bar
I bet it's probably yours"
And the next thing that I knew
There we were, lost in conversation
And before I handed her her purse
I said, "You'll only get this back on one condition"
And we danced
Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced
And from that moment
There was never any doubt
I had found the one
That I had always dreamed about
And then one evenin'
When she stopped by after work
I pulled a diamond ring out of the pocket of my shirt
And as her eyes filled up with tears
She said, "This is the last thing I expected"
And then she took me by the hand
And said, "I'll only marry you on one condition"
And we danced
Out there on that empty hardwood floor
The chairs up and the lights turned way down low
The music played, we held each other close
And we danced Like no one else had ever danced before
I can't explain what happened on that floor
But the music played We held each other close
And we danced
Yeah, we danced

SEASON SAYS

This was in an old issue of a work newsletter, written by the president of the company. It made me giggle.


Does the statement, "We've always done it that way" ring any bells...? The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the prerailroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's behind came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story... When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the worlds most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's behind.
And you thought being a horse's behind wasn't important??

A BRIEF UPDATE...MORE LATER

Hello my jelly and cream filled bit's of goodness. I have a confession to make. I have had other blogs. I don't write on them anymore. I started them for a plethora of reasons. From being able to be angry and that person not being able to read them, to a place where I could put poetry. Well, I decided that since using blog-city only allows a finite number of posts, I decided to start an archive. I'm still working on it, and I may be for a little while. You see, I'm selfish and very clingy to my blogs, so I figured I'd condense all of them into one new "old" blog. I started by finding them all...which took a lot of time. I forgot where they were. But after abusing google, I found them. Only a couple have survived, inactivity seems to do make them deletable, so after a whole lot of copying and pasting, I have taken them off their "dead" blogs, deleted the old blogs and saved the postings. When, I get further with the archive, I'll be linking it here. That's all for now...i'll be back later tonight with more, but since I was here anyways, meaning at the puter, I figured why not tell you what is in the works. I think I may have even posted some of the old poems on here, but I'll be going through all that too. So for now I remain...
Jose

Review of Diablo #1: Legacy of Blood

THIS WAS CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!! I can't believe I wasted the time to read this one. I would have been better off playing the game, where at least spending 4 days I would have finished the game and even though I wasted four days in front of the computer I would have felt like I acomplished so much more. The story was weak. The characters were the steroptypical...demon bad, ghosts want to keep living, selfish sorceress, evil general, cursed items, BLAH FRIKKEN BLAH!! I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but for chrissakes, I honestly would rather watch Barb Wire 52.844036697247706422018348623853 times(that's the amount of time I spent reading this book and that's how many times I would have to watch the 109 minute movie). I also think Barb Wire is one of the most wretched things ever made for cinema, but it is actually less painful than this book. So with that said
I remain truly happy that I have the Wolfwalker Books to finish and i am still
Jose

NOW THAT I'VE CLEANSED THE BAD TASTE FROM MY MOUTH

My sassy friends, and belligerent neighbors, my gawd how I have missed you all. I know, I know, it's been a long time. Damn near 15 minutes since I last posted and close to 30 hours since my last daily uppiedate. So nothing much is going on, just trying to avoid cleaning...and being successful. Yay me!! Had to deal with the landlord because he couldn't find the rent check. So I went down to the bank...just my luck to have my landlord be the VP of a local bank...well anyways, I went down after they served me with the pay or get your deadbeat ass outta my house paper. Lo and behold, I'm in his office and on his desk I see the envelope that had my rent check. So he was about to start going into his Late Rent spiel, when I just casually told him I was there on Friday...he was in a meeting, so I was instructed to leave it in an envelope with one of the tellers. I then pointed to this envelope that was sitting on his desk and said "And that's my rent sir." To which he said..."oh good well thanks for coming down and taking care of this." Like I had a frikken choice. The rent's been on his desk for 5 days and he didn't notice. Well for some reason that didn't instill much confidence into the financial institution of which he is the VP of. So I guess I'll be sticking with my good old credit union that I've had 12 1/2 years.
So I’ve been catching up on my blog reading and I realized I'm NOT the only one with infrequent updates. I know I missed entire months, but not having a porn loader aka computer, kind of hinders the ability to update, but I think I've been doing a decent job since. I know I've been kind of cheating doing reviews, but hey it works for me. It gives me a reason to read new books and reread the ones in my library, because simply I like to read. The same goes for movies. When times are tight, I tend to sell them, yet there are some that I CANNOT part with, so why not give people a heads up with them? If I like it or hate it, you'll be the third to know. Me, being the first and Season, being the second. I know I know, I ramble. But that's what I do. The other day Season got upset with me for writing on here. But at that moment I had the desire to write. Now being a guy who would one day like to write for a living (fat chance there I know, but it's still a dream), there are times when the desire to write something takes precedent over everything. So writing on here gives me the false sense that I'm actually a writer. It's like role-playing. I pretend I'm a writer. So after all this time I figured out how to do the review thing. So now I'm a pretend writer, and a pretend critic. That goes along with being a comedic genius (you see, in my head I'm a comedic genius, so everything I say is hysterical...in my head, but when it comes out well than I'm just a schmuk, but my defense is that "genius is never truly understood, until after you're dead...and that's my story). So I guess there it is. My reason d'etre. So I think that's all for now...until then I remain
A credit union using fool named
Jose

Review of The Brothers Grimm

Terry Gilliam, Terry Gilliam, Terry Gilliam. Terry Gilliam directed it. Terry Gilliam from Monty Python. Terry Gilliam made it very very cool. He DIRECTED IT! Matt Damon and Heath Ledger were very cool in it playing roles that are a long stretch from their usual spiels. BUT IT"S TERRY FRIKKEN GILLIAM!!!! So, go see it. Rent it. Buy it. Just don't miss it. It's funny and dark. But mostly it is entertaining, and it's fun, and it's dark, and it's just a damn good movie.
Jose

THE ADVERTISING WHORE IS BACK

Hello my saucy little numbers. It seems that I might have a new reader. YAY ME!!!! So I decided to makes some changes to the bookmarks. I realized that putting links to other blogs would be way cooler...than having comics on there. Now I will still be here being the advertising whore that I so love to be, but comics will be in the entries and very cool blogs will be in the bookmarks. So I ended up reading this particular blog...and it was a fun read. It was honest (a very big thing for me). And I know Season will love the entry where Hannah talks about ...umm oh hell...let's just cut and paste:

I ordered a burger and he a chicken sandwhich. This started the whole "eating complex" thing I had going while he was here. Every single time we went out, he got less food then me. I probably wouldn't have really noticed, exept then he mentioned to me no other girl he knew would have gotten a big burger and then eaten it practicaly. (such as I was doing) I blame my brother for my lack of daintyness. But, that feminine quality is far overrated anyhow.

Personally speaking, if you're hungry than eat damnit. I’m pretty sure when Season gets home she'll add her 2 cents worth. She usually does...LOL...oh crap; I think I'll be paying for that later. But it is something I will be checking on from time to time...even though it would be easier to just sign up for a mailing list, hint hint. I don't know if it's new or not, because there was no calendar, to check past entries, but either way it was an enjoyable. So for now my little chickadees...and I mean just now...I'll be back in a little bit to do some more postings cuz for the next few days I have all the time in the world.

Till than I remain just what I always was a fool

Named Jose.

PS I almost forgot Duel that's what I was talking about. Duel is the blog. Go read Duel damnit. I mean now!!!

INSPIRATIONS FROM A SMALL TOWN IN KANSAS

Hello again my tasty friends. Just a little self indulgent play by play of this mundane world I call mine. I'm feeling all spicy cuz I got my smokes, beer, and a little bit o'time to write this morning. First off I want to thank all 5000+ people who have taken time to read this lil waste o’space, which really made my day. It is a pretty good feeling knowing that someone out there reads my ramblings. If you do come by and have a blog let me know. I've said it before; I'm a blog advertising whore, especially if I like it. Than it gets linked. Sound cool?
Second thing, I want to thank all the people in 2005, for making it a truly wonderful year. The people who still like me, and of course the people who don't. One can't become a better person unless; they have both in their lives.
Third, I want to thank whatever divine entity is out there. You have given me many gifts and many chances to enrich myself, and those around me. I haven't taken any of that for granted, since you blessed me with a reason to do so.
And lastly, I am thankful for every breath I take, every morning I wake up, every smile I make (both yours and mine), every laugh, every tear, every hug, every kiss and my chance to just be thankful. So with all that said...
It's the 2nd day of a new year, which means I have 6 months left of my 33rd year of life outside the womb. It hasn't been an easy 6 months, but it has been a great 6 months. A short recap in no particular order...

-My cuz got arrested, and will be going away for a lil while
-Moved to Waukesha, WI from Rhinelander aka Rivendale
-My step dad got served divorce papers
-Moved back into my old apartment
-Got my driving privileges back
-Started yet another job I don't like
-My sister dumped an asshole of a boyfriend
-Saw the chronicles Of Narnia
-And Corpse Bride
-And loved them both
-Met Season's siblings.
-Met Season's best friends
-Saw a live band for the first time in over 2 years

Now that may not seem like a lot, or it may depend on who you are, but those are some of the highs and lows of my 33rd year of life. Now what does that have to do with anything? I just finished watching Smallville Season 2 and Chloe Sullivan played by Allison Mack, had this awesome confession to Clark Kent. Umm I figured I didn't need to link Clark's name, but the actor who plays him (Tom Welling) will get a link. Now in the episode Fever Chloe says this

"I want to let you in on a secret. I'm not who you think I am. In fact, my disguise is so thin; I'm surprised you haven't seen right through me. I'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend. Sometimes I want to rip off this facade like I did at the Spring Formal, but I can't because you'll get scared and you'll run away again. So I decided that it's better to live with a lie than expose my true feelings."

"My dad told me there are two types of girls. The ones you grow out of and the ones you grow into. I really hope I'm the latter. I may not be the one you love today, but I'll let you go for now, hoping one day you'll fly back to me because I think you're worth the wait."

And I broke down. That, I think was one of the most beautiful things someone can say, especially knowing that they can never have the one thing that can make them whole. Someone whose mere presence fills you with joy and pain, and like I said, I cried. Because actually living through this moment, was one of the hardest moments of my life. I don't really know where any of this is going, but I heard that, and I thought I should share it. It's not easy living any kind of lie, and when your heart's and hope's on the line, it just makes it that much more unbearable. So I think if you get the chance to say something to the one you love, take the chance. The answer might hurt more, but the weight of the burden of the lie is considerably less.
well g'nite my tasty friends, because it's time for me to go to bed with the girl I took that chance

with, and I have never regretted it once.

so I remain a lucky man named Jose

Review of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Widescreen Edition)

Now let me start by saying I never did read these books. I dunno why. I just never have. After watching the movie, I probably never will. That's ok though. I live with someone who has, and if I have any questions, I just ask her. So let's get on with the review.
This movie was silly. It had funny moments. It has it's share of momenst of hilarity. But it's also dumb. But, for some reason that in itself is also kind of funny. The visuals were stunning. The shining moment is when they hit the "Planet Showroom" aka a warehouse of terraforming delight. In simple words they make planets. They design the land, sky, air, flora, the oceans and people and animals. Of course some of the gags do get old. But it is a comedy. In the end it does its job. It entertains you. Now Season said, "it was quite faithful to the book, although it didn't cover everything." Now for me, that's a good thing. Who wants to see a movie that is a word for word retelling of a book. I had the Read-Along records and tapes as a kid, and I personally don't want to have one as a movie I will pay $15-20 to see in a theater, and personally all the so and so said's would get annoying, but that's just me. All in all, I was entertained. Mostly by Marvin (who was voiced by Alan Rickman and played by Warwick Davis) as the manic depressed, completely ignored and forgotten robot who verily enough, saves the day.
so on this Friday, I remain

Jose

from Earth...

Mostly Harmless.

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT

something to think about...because I agree....so does Season...well with the political aspect (well kind of) of it, I dunno, you read it and tell me what ya think.

From the Dec. 29, 2005, editions of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Gay marriage ban isn't fair

By DEAN MUNDY

There are two bills just passed by the Wisconsin Senate that will most likely be up for referendum in the near future. I must admit, I'm torn between the two sides on each bill.

The first is the amendment to the Wisconsin Constitution defining marriage as being between a man and a woman. It looks like a sure thing to pass the Assembly and be on the ballot in November. The second is a bill to ask the public if Wisconsin should reinstitute the death penalty. I will tackle that in a later column.

First of all, I'm a conservative. I'm a Christian, yes, even one of those "fundamentalists" who believe one should do what the Bible teaches and who many suspect are trying to take our country down the road to theocracy. Whatever.

I admit that the Bible, for me, clearly teaches that marriage is between a man and a woman only. You don't have to read far to see that. In several places.

The most widely quoted by opponents to a biblical view is the verse in Leviticus about stoning homosexuals. Unfortunately opponents usually ignore Paul's teaching in Romans 1, what God told Adam and Eve early in Genesis, and, most importantly, Jesus' repetition of that definition in Matthew 19.

Now why this makes me a "homophobe" or a person who hates homosexuals, I have no idea. I believe smoking is wrong, but I don't hate smokers. I believe getting drunk is wrong, but I don't hate drunkards. I believe divorce and adultery are wrong, but I don't hate divorced people or those who commit adultery. I believe, well, you get my drift, I hope.

Many on the left see this amendment as a political ploy, and for many who voted for it, that would be true. But I think there are others, many others, just like me who believe homosexuality to be wrong. They feel we need to do something about it.


But I'm not in favor of this amendment. For me, it's a matter of fairness and justice. Homosexuals should have the same opportunities that heterosexuals do. It's as simple as that.

I believe that under our form of government, people should have equal protection under the law. This would include homosexuals.

My fellow conservatives and friends in the religious right are, no doubt, readying e-mails and letters to straighten me out. Hey, I know what they are going to say. The arguments are familiar. I've heard them and made them myself before.

They will write me about how this will lead us down a slippery slope to a time when polygamy, etc., will be made legal also.

They believe that we must defeat this is to defend marriage. If so, it's a last-ditch defense.

Look, marriage and families have been under stress for years and not just from homosexuals and liberals. Poverty, single parenthood, materialism, the feminist movement, divorce, people living together and other things add to the stress. We on the right are wrong to just blame the homosexual "agenda."

Other conservatives might insist that homosexuals receive equal treatment now. They can marry anyone they want as long as it's someone of the opposite sex.

Isn't this a little bit like Henry Ford when he said one could have any color Model T they wanted as long as it was black?

I'm conflicted, I admit, because like everyone else, I tend to vote my values. Those on both sides of the issue say the values are clear. I'm not so sure.


As one seeking to minister Christianity, I have to go back to how Jesus lived his life on Earth. Contrary to the opinion of most, it's not that Jesus never got angry (look at how he cleansed the temple and condemned religious leaders, for example).


But he did respond to the down and out with compassion. The adulterous woman was saved from her rightful doom. Lepers, prostitutes, tax collectors, drunks - he sought them all out to do good to them. I cannot do less to those who are homosexual.


As I've mentioned, other people whom I believe are living wrongly are free to do so legally. Why shouldn't homosexuals have that opportunity?


It's only fair, really.


Dean Mundy of Waukesha is a self-employed missionary. His e-mail address is thoughtfulconservative@gmail.com


Jose

Review of Shut Up

WOW!! You know when I first heard this CD I was umm well, kind of impressed. She has that whole punk/pop thing going for her, along with being the daughter of one of the greatest rock/metal dad's of all time. So Season played this CD for me, and well umm...I really liked it. It's been burned and is one of the staple road trip CD's in my car. Which kind of says alot. It's in the company of Vai's Sex and Religion, Pearl Jam's Ten, Beggars and Thieves, Vain's No Respect, Jellyfish's Bellybutton, and Little earthquakes by Tori Amos. So it is in the company of some really great music and some great musicians. Now don't get me wrong some of the songs are kind of lame, but the overall vibe is truly awesome and most imprtantly....FUN!!! So check it out.

Jose

IT'S BEEN A LONG...ALTHOUGH IT HASN'T

Ya know one of the greatest things about life is the people you meet. I have met some great people in my short existance, and I've met some extraordinary people in this short time I have spent on this little blue planet we call Earth. And there are times when I meet people who will forever be in my heart and my prayers. By chance today, I was going thru my yahoo mail list, and found a couple who had inspired me in looking for true happiness with my partner. The worst feeling is that I can never tell them that, because to do so, would cause the self righteous drama queen from hell to go off and I would never want for them to deal with that. They are probably one of the last "GREAT COUPLES" I will never ever get the chance to see again. So I will never be able to tell them how fortunate I was to meet them. How it fills my heart with absolute and true joy and that they inspired me, to find my true love and to tell her what she means to me. How to this day I still do, and will always consider them one of my truest friends. I will never be able to tell them any of this, and because of that, my heart is heavy and sad. But I hope that if J & R still read this lil waste of space I call home, I hope they will know that I am truly thankful to them and that my heart beams with absolute joy for them. I hope that they know that I am grateful for them in so many more ways than I can ever tell them and never be able to TO tell them. So thank you my friends. ABove and beyond everything else thank you.

Jose

Confessional

THE ICE, THE FOG, THE SIBLINGS...A MERRY KISSMAS...MUAH, MUAH


Well hello and Merry Christamas to all of you from all of me. It seems like it's been a long time since I came on here armed with a cigarette (a whole pack so I'm ready to write for a wee bit) a few beers (BUD light Baby), and with some piss and vinegar. So let's get to it.
Day 1simply called the drive. You see we had the weatherman tell us the forecast, which called for freezing rain for most of the state. Well I'll be damned, that grimy lil bastard was right. We thought we could actually beat this forecast, considering they are usually wrong, well for once they were right. Luckily it wasn't until we hit Wasau that the weather decided to take a big ole stinky on us, which it very gladly did. Up intil this point we were making good time. I was jammin out to Kelly Osbourne (look for the review coming up soon), when all of a sudden, the pavement stopped making noise. Now anyone who drives on the expressway, knows that there is usually a sound as the tires of your 2+ ton vehicle makes on the road. Well we had nuffin. No noise. No "bumps" I mean it was smooth as glass. Well. let me tell you slowing down, turning Kelly off, and the seat belt coming on(in that order) was my new reason for being. Season was sleeping and I was NOT gonna wake her up for that. As a sidebar, I am REALLY glad I got new tires the weekend before. So we went from trucking by at 72 MPH to cruising by at a crisp 30-40 MPH. The usual 4+ hour drive became an almost 6 hour trek. Thank goodness that we eventually ended up behind a salting truck. It did make the drive feel a lot safer...at a blistering 20-25 MPH. FINALLY we get to our destination. One of Season's high school friends runs a resort, and she had a vacancy, so she let us stay there. We crashed hard. we slept. All was good.
Day 2 we went to mothers house. Although technically it was day 1, we finally got some sleep, so for arguments sake let's callit day 2, ok? We got to mothers house, and it was a very cool time. We talked, we laughed, a general sense of well being was had. THAN...the siblings started to arrive. First are Seasons 2 sisters. Umm did you ever watch the Disney movie Cinderella with the wicked step sisters Well make them real sisters and we got it pretty close. It was again another UNIQUE experience. The drama queen and the baby of the family, storm into the house, mother MUST tend to the 2 precious (dripping with sarcasm) darlings. Than it became a little more than this man could take. Thankfully a heavy fog, a 15 minute drive and the whole "YAAAAWN! You know we did come in pretty late today, and we need some rest" excuse came in handy. We said bye. We went "home".
Day 3, or DAMNIT TURN OFF THAT ALARM CLOCK!!! So yeah we said we would join them for breakfast. Ok I know that breakfast at McD's ends before I get up. But for the love of god...I would wake up at 6am if it meant having HOMEMADE CRAMEL ROLLS again. I would betray Christ himself and gladly take the name Judas 2.1 if it meant having (did I mention) HOMEMADE CARAMEL ROLLS. So we devoured, and by the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, we did devour what was left of these little oven warmed bites of sin. Than we left. As my momma used to say, "never overstay your welcome", so we didn't. We hung out with Seasons HS friend and her husband. We chatted for a bit. Than we had to get ready for the Christmas Eve with and...did I mention and yet?? YES I mean and her brother. Well you know Rainman. Well take away the autism, the likeable factor, the people skills and common sense...well there you go. Nuff said.
But over all it was a really nice Christmas eve. In the end there was a lot of laughter and joy. There was family and togetherness. But most importantly there was the a begining and an end.
Day 3...ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. Yes there was soreness. There was exhaustian. There was the need for much and many fluids. Than there was the passing out, yet no alcohol was involved this day. Just a whole lot of passion, sweat, love and desire.
Day 4, the vacation ends. It did. We drove home, spent 4 hours or so on the road. Spent 2-3 hours with my mom. Did some most absolutely neccasary clothes shopping at Wal-Mart. Came home. Christmas weekend over...
God that really sux.

Jose

Review of The Redemption of Althalus

This is one of those books that starts out fantasic. It has great likeable characters. It has witty dialouge. It has fantastic feel. But it has a weak ending. Sadly, for me the ending was so weak, that it actually took away from the overall enjoyment of the book. The book has gods, magic, thieves, sorcery, epic battles and affairs of the heart. I guess the way the book was feeling I expected more of a bang to finish it. But it doesn't have that. It has an ending. It fit the story. I just think it left the reader wanting, ok, so it left thisreader wanting just a little bit more.

Jose

Review of American Gods: A Novel

Fun? YES!!! Enlightening? ABSOFRIKKENLUTELY!!! A solid book with all the joy and heartache that any book can give you. It belongs in your collection. It truly does. So go out and check it out from a library or buy it from your local bookstore, either way....YOU WILL NOT BE LET DOWN.

Review of Maximum Ride : The Angel Experiment

Read it!!!!!!! Love it!!!!! It's a fun book. Although it does belong in a young readers collection we adults will love it too....DID I MENTION THAT YOU SHOULD READ THIS BOOK!!!!!! NOW!!!!!

Jose

SEASON SAYS

I think too much. At first, we spent between 10 and 12 hours a day together. Then we moved, and spent 24 hours a day together until he found a job. That cut it back down to 12 hours a day together. Which was tough, but we still got to see each other a lot. Then I got a job. Now we have 4 hours a day together. So, when he gets home, I'm waking up. I don't wake up well. It takes at least 20 minutes for my brain to function, but it can take up to 2 hours. That makes every second we have together so precious to me. And I think I should tell him this, I should tell him that....but it all seems so trivial. And I don't want to waste a second, and instead, I end up wasting all of it. When he gets home, he wants to relax, of course. And I want him to, so a lot of times, I don't say, please come here, sit by me and talk, hold me. I say, are you hungry? I'll make you something, what do you want to eat? And I say I love you a lot. But that's almost all I say. I don't say, I miss you. I hate sleeping without you. I hate that we don't have as much time together as we used to. I say nothing. Then, if I decide to jump into the silence with something, I say the most inane bullshit that I possibly can. And I wince inside. Because I should be telling him how I feel, other than watching him, loving him in silence, and being caged by it.
But, I'll be damned if I continue making the same mistake. Because I love him, I miss him, and, yes, I need him. I refuse to let myself throw away the best thing in my life.

Season

SILENCE...THE WORST SIN

I'm wrong a lot. I accept that. It's the nature of being the human animals that we are. There are levels and degrees in all the things we do, that drive and steer us in the directions that we eventually travel. And the worst way to travel that road is in silence. Silence destroys relationships and people. Silence is the worst sin. It is worse than lying because even when lying there is some form of communication, although it is misinformation, it is still a passing of ideas between two or more people. Don't get me wrong, they're still both wrong, but silence is worse. There are no thoughts expressed. No feelings shared. No truths are being told. There is nothing at all. The reason that this sin perpetuates is because it takes two or more people that continue to feed it. When one person stops talking, so does the other. When that happens, it becomes easier and easier to not say anything. Soon nothing is said at all. Silence has grown into a completely different beast. It becomes a chasm. A great emptiness, that now has a life of it's own, and it's stifiling. It's a terrible cancer to any life. I know this because I have lived through it more times than I really care to remember, but I do. And I'm scared it's starting again. My life has been a long string of silence. I've accepted that. I've perpetuated it. I thought that part of my life was over when I met Season. We would spend seconds, minutes, hours and days talking. We couldn't stop talking. We couldn't stop communicating. Whether it was verbal or physical, we shared everything. Than...we stopped. I don't know when it happened. I just know it did. We still have some moments, but the silence is still king. The silence still rules. Season has grown up in a world where silence was and is the rule of thumb. In the beginning, there was no silence at all. All there was us. All there was communication. All there was pure joy, pure love and pure hope. Now as we fast forward to the present, it's not like that anymore. Silence. Goddamn fuckin silence. It's like feeling the hands of fate closing around your throat, squeezing until you can't breathe anymore. Choking you with a steel grip until you hope and pray that it just stops. But it doesn't. You look up and see beautiful eyes staring down at you. And you are grateful for the few minutes that you share together. And if God willing you get another day with the woman who fills your heart and soul with the simple idea of love and joy. It's all true. I love Season. I am a nonexistant entity without her. I am nothing. But she fills me, enriches me and she fill's me with hope. Well you know what...fuck it...I'm done. I'm crashing now. I'm gonna get some sleep. Good frikken night.

Jose

I'M ON A LAME TRAIN, I GOT A FIRST CLASS TICKET ON THE NON STOP TO NOWHERE

where it takes me I don't know, I guess the tracks you make are your own.....

and I wouldn't have it any other way. Hello again one and all...finally got the I-net connection going,and if all is good it'll last more than the 3 days it lasted last week. Now thank you Faster Pussycat for the lyrics to Nonstop to Nowhere from their seemingly rare 3rd cd Whipped. It seemed only fitting. Why?? Well let me tell you. Hehehehe. You see, I'm back where I began...sorta. I'm back in my apartment, where I started to write this thing on a almost kind of regular schedule. It's the same apartment, where I met the people from Rivendale, where I moved out of (kinda sorta) and where I'm back again. But this time it's different. I first moved in because my girlfriend at the time had pretty much told me to hit the road. So I was miserableand and usually drunk or high, for the first 2 months. Than I got a roomate, that was a mistake. He was a mooch and about a month after that I told him he had to get out, because my cousin was moving in. That was a little bit better. Atleast now I had a guy who was willing to share some of the living expenses aka he paid for some of the booze and pharmaceuticals. Now although this was a better situation, I was having a crisis of my own. You see by the time he moved in, I was seeing this girl, and I was really interested in one of her friends. Well blah blah blah...I moved to Rivendale, blah blah blah fell in love, got engaged and moved back to Waukesha.
I had told my cousin he could have the place, because Season and I were gonna find one of our own, and moved into my soon not to be stepfathers house. That was a frikken nightmare. That actually tested Season and myself more than anything. We stayed there for about 7 weeks, and my cousin had some troubles (more on that later), so we ended up moving into my old apartment, and that brings me to here.
Well I guess if for some reason this is your first time checking out my lil waste of space, I think I just clued you in on the last 20 months of my life. If you been reading this for a while I just did the first season recap you get in the first episode of a second season show. So now that I got that over with...
Ok where do I start. Oh yeah I got a job...and as usual, I hate it. I work in a metal fabricating place in Wales, WI. It's about 15-20 minutes from the homestead, so it isn't that bad of a drive. I've officially become a CNC operator/ material shearer/ material former. What the hell does that mean? It means I cut metal, put holes in it and I bend it into funny shapes. The plus...I only work 4 days a week (Mon-Thurs 330 PM till 2AM), I get paid every week and I have a really cool boss. The downside (and I expect this little bit of news will make one person happy) I only get a weekend of Season, meaning just Saturday and Sunday and I work with a misogynist.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm grateful I have a job, and I'm grateful for what it pays, but I just wish there was more brain work involved. But it is a job and I'll deal with as long as I have too. Albeit, there is one thing about this job that has me in stitches everytime I work. There is a sign above the urinal (hand written on a peice of painted white aluminum) which reads "PLEASE NO BUTTS IN THE URINAL". Now if for some reason you have no clue what a urinal is...
well there you go. It's a place where we men can do our business standing up. Not to be confused with a where we do other business... but you get the point. So as you can tell, There is only one place where "BUTTS" can go and it aint a urinal. And now you know why that sign kills me everyday.
So what else is there...oh yeah, I'm working on and archive/poem/song/story blog because blog-city only allows a finite number of blogs postings for us cheap bastards who don't want to pay money to fill the I-net with ramblings, so look for that in the near future. Well my little chitlins,I think I've wasted enough of your time today, but don't worry. Tomorrow will bring yet another thrilling (YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) adventure of yours truly. So as the morning sun comes up, I'm going down...hehehehehehe.

as usual I remain
Jose

SOMETHING TO TIDE YOU OVER

Just a damn good post...http://waiterrant.net/?p=211 oh and if you aren't reading it you should...

TTYS
Jose